Phil Robertshaw
Phil was one of those brave few to answer Nathan's call to arms, rolling up just in time for the tenth issue. At the time, of course, no one realised that behind his innocent-sounding offer of help Phil hid a plan of conquest so cunning that Ernst Blofeld would have nodded appreciatively at its unveiling, if he weren't dead. Seizing the first section of the magazine that anyone reads, Phil wiped out all the competition when it came to writing articles for Pssst! within two issues. Four issues in, the only person who was still trying was Nathan, and even he conceded that when it came to the short, snappy articles that Pssst! demands, there was only one man for the job. Phil was duly crowned King of Pssst!. (A subsequent fistfight with Jamie was avoided when the resident curry connoiseur was persuaded that King of Pssst! was not the same as King of Getting Pssst!, and that that crown remained where it always had, under a curry-stained sofa.)
With Pssst! firmly under Phil's control, he at once took advantage of the opportunity to apply advanced subliminal messaging techniques to convince everyone in the world to send him all their money. This plan was absolutely foolproof; Nathan no longer daring to correct Phil's work, his articles would be published in all their nefarious glory. Once the fourteenth issue went online, all the wealth of the world would be Phil's.
It was at this point that two rather glaring flaws in the plan became clear. First, only six and a half people actually read YS3, and their wealth amounts to seven pounds sixty eight between them. Second, there was no issue fourteen. Foiled as effectively by Nathan's incompetence as he would have been by James Bond's sophisticated cunning, Phil retired to a small island in the Bahamas, there to plot and scheme. The world would hear from Phil Robertshaw again...
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