Target; Renegade - Imagine - 1987
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Scene: Your local supermarket. Bob is on the check-out sporting the
classic red bow-tie, white shirt, blue jacket and friendly smile, scanning item
through. He is just finishing up with a customer when Sam (a girl)
approaches with a full basket. Bob (returning credit card to customer): Thank you for calling, Sir. No, thank you. No, Sir, thank you. Oh, really, you're too kind. No, you are too kind. Cheerie bye then, mate. (Chuckles to himself as he turns to Sam) Dearey me, oh, dearey me. (Rubs away a tear as he sees the new basket) Hello there, ma'am; there's quite a bit of variety in that metal chum of yours. Sam: Yes, I guess there is. Bob: Like the moves in Target; Renegade, you know. More moves than the bloke with the well-gelled hair in the pub: punch, back kick, flying kick, grab, punch 'em while they're down, knee in the... Hey, hang about a moment just right there me ol' mucker. Sam (surprised): Yes? What is it? Bob: I'm sorry me ol' bag of stilton but you seem to have ten and a half items there in your little metal cage-thing. |
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Sam: You mean the basket? Well, I don't think that... Bob: Can you see the little sign? (Helpfully points to the '10 items or fewer' sign overhead.) It means that ten little item firends is your limit, me pink grasshopper. Sam: Yes, I can see that. But, there's not... Bob: Do you have difficulty counting? Well, never fear me ill-educated whipper-snapper, I can help. (Pulls out a number of rosey red apples) Right, here we go. Here's one apple, and if you put another one in you get two. Add one more and... Sam: No, I can count. I just didn't think there were ten and a half items in here, that's all. Bob: Well, we need to be accurate, just like in Target: Renegade on the Speccy. You can't just flail you fists about everywhere, you know, dearey me no, that just wouldn't do at all. You even need to be sure to get up to the side should you get knocked over; it's that tough. Sam: That's all very nice but where's the extra half an item? |
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Bob: Funny you should mention halves really, me ol' half time pineapple. You
see, you get an extra life upon finishing levels, it sometimes seems, and with
suitable amounts of points; really keeps you topped up as it's a big nasty
world out there. Sam: Yes, fine, but I really need to get going here... Bob: Six minutes. Sounds like quite a while doesn't it? Sam: What? No, my parking space expires in five. I really need to go... Bob: Yes, you do or you will run out of time, you know. A bit tough the time limit, you know. Six minute-things may sound like pleanty, but it's tight like Superman's trousers, let me tell you. Probably a bit too much so, really, especially as getting up after being knocked down takes so long... but it does help keep things swinging along. Sam: Yes! Yes! Swinging along, that's the spirit! (Puts first item on conveyer belt) Bob: Woah there Little Miss Speedy Gonzales! You've got too many items there. Fortunately that's not a real problem in Target; Renegade; you only ever get attacked by three people at one time so it never feels too busy. Almost a bit too sedate, you know, but they're all so vicious that it's probably just as well that you never meet any more, really. |
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Sam: Alright, alright! Where's this superfluous item, then? What's too
much? Bob: Ten items and a piece of lettuce in the bottom of the basket-thing, love. But no, it's never really too much. Grab a weapon and they start dropping like skittles... bit too easy, almost, you know. But once you get to level four or so they start ducking flying kicks so three is too many to deal with at once, really. So I guess it is a bit too much after all - unless you have a mate with you. Still, a bit of fancy footwork and some well-placed punches soon even things up. Eats that time limit like a hungry walrus, mind you. That evil, evil time limit... Sam: You're telling me; I've only got three minutes left! Come on, let me pay for this! Bob: Yes, and pay they do. Teeth go flying, bones crack, blood spurts... it's really quite brutal. Sam: Oh, man... Look, just scan the items, alright? Or would you like to face the music? Bob: Pleasently surprised with the music was I. Catchy, temporate, musical and yet mournful enough to not reduce the fistycuffs to a circus. Jolly good job, really. Yes, indeed. |
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Sam: I'll rephrase that: would you like me to call your boss? Bob: Can't do that I'm afraid my chipper little chipmunk. Sam: What? Why on earth not? Bob: There aren't any, you see. Fortunately there's quite a variety in vagabond enemy-types and given their finely-honed skills it's probably just as well that there's no-one bigger and meaner waiting at the end of the level or else you'd soon end up as a little sqidgy mess on the pavement. Sam: Look, just let me past will you?! I need to get to my car! (Bob shakes his head sadly.) Right, then, mate... just don’t say I didn't warn you. (Sam punches him squarely in the face, then grabs him by the shoulders, pulls him up and knees him soundly below the belt. Bob folds.) Well, that was invigorating. I think I quite fancy this beat-'em-up lark... wonder if the traffic warden is there yet? (She leaps over the checkout and flying kicks through the glass doors at the exit, speeding off into the night.) |
