YS3

Issue Two - July 21, 1999

You lot have finally started sending us some mail. It took you a couple of months, but at last the amount of real mail outnumbers the made-up, er, 'creatively-edited' mail that's populated most of this page for the last two issues. Only just, though. This month, don't leave it to everyone else to send mail. Send some yourself. Go on. It only takes you a few seconds, but it saves Jon and me several minutes. Also, this month's letters should all have a favourite film star and a film they've starred in as subject headers.

Cheers,
Nathan

e-mail: nathan_c@ys3.connectfree.co.uk

e-mail: jon_h@ys3.connectfree.co.uk

Admittedly Deceased

Dear YS3,
Isn't doing a magazine loosely based on the copyrighted name of a (admittedly deceased) magazine well, illegal or something? I am law student at Bath Uni and looking in section 23d of the 1785 Law Regarding Printed Publications of Alarmingly Similar names you are in breach of clause 134c.ii. Print my letter or I tell Future Publishing. Thank you.
Harry, via e-mail
PS I am scouring the legal documents in my possession for another act of illegality on your part. Look out.

To be honest, we probably haven't got a leg to stand on, but until Sir Clive produces another computer that gets into the homes of thousands and has loads of games produced for it, I don't think that Future will be even remotely interested in what we do. Mind you, if they did try to shut us down, think of all the publicity we'd get! We'd get thousands of hits a day! (Er, until Future shut us down. Jon) Damn. Okay, I guess we'd better print your letter this time. But you try anything like this again and you'll be waking up with a horse's head in your bed, capiche?

Good Meaty Portion

Sirs,
I am sat here at my little Sun Workstation having a good oogle at the second issue of YS3. I'm glad you managed to find it in your hearts to provide us with a second good meaty portion of humour and speccy-related onomatopaea.
Murrrrp is a good example.
My main reason for writing is to ask whether you'd consider pootling your way into doing a thingy on Remake wotsits in Issue 3 or 4 (or 5 or maybe even six)
By the way, I'm really Jon Hyde (no relation to the Jon Hyde who used to drive a Renault 5 Turbot around the streets of Chippenham listening to 2 Unlimited at silly speeds - the car not the CD) and I don't get paid for making all these letters up.
Or maybe I'm just someone suffering delusions that they are Jon Hyde.
Could anyone really tell?

Jeff Braine
RetroSpec Clubhouse caretaker, Codder and closet toenail painter.

I don't know what you're talking about. There was a lot going on last month, but we didn't go anywhere near any onomatopaea, Speccy-related or otherwise. I have my standards, you know, and that falls way too short even for me. I tried it once, and that was enough. The power lead kept getting in the way.
We are now covering remakes, at last; you'll no doubt have noticed that this month there's a review of Klass of '99. (Honestly, covering real events. We'll be filling in the News section as well, next, and then where will we be?)
I shouldn't worry about thinking you're Jon; Jon keeps suffering from the delusion that he's Jeff Braine. He's alright with the toenail painting, but he runs into problems when trying to catch fish in the Severn river. I keep telling him it's probably a spelling mistake, but he won't listen. Right now he's floating about somewhere near the bridge in a dinghy, trying to catch fish using Toffee Cream Slices as bait.

Over-priced

Dear YS3,
Will I be able to buy over-priced YS3 merchandise in the near future?
Chris, Yatton

As a matter of fact, yes. You can now buy your very own YS3-branded, Linux-based PC. It costs just £599.95, and comes with a fifteen-inch monitor. The branding includes a hand-stuck YS3 logo sticker on the case, keyboard, mouse and monitor, and a special YS3 start-up screen for X-Windows. Contact details available via sales@ys3.connectfree.co.uk. Beat the rush: order yours today! (Advert ends.)

Fabled

Dear YS3,
Where can I get these fabled Toffee Cream Cake Slice-things? I’ve looked everywhere, but no-one near me seems to sell them! Please help me before my very soul seeps into the gutter and my lifeless body rests limp against the shattered lamp-post outside my house. Cheers.
Kelly, Brighton

You can also get your very own YS3-branded Toffee Cream Slices. Traditional high-quality products from Mr Kipling himself, you can get no less than five of this quality tea-time treats in a limited edition YS3 box for just £4.99. Again, contact sales@ys3.connectfree.co.uk for more details.

Carey Sharey

Dear YS3,
I would just like to share an internet resource with everyone, if I could. http://us.imdb.com is the definitive information resource for films; it's truly remarkable and deserves visiting, though it's a bit slow. OK, thanks.
Helen, Reading

Well, um. Thanks. I think. Er, anyone else want to publicise a totally un-Speccy-related website? No? Good. Can I get on with the magazine now? Thank you.

My Eyes

Honk!
Could someone please tell me what the exclusive preview in issue 2 was about? I read the warning notice before it, and made up my own set of asbestos glasses. Consequently, I was unable to read the screen. Also, my eyes have now burned out due to the firey, burny nature of asbestos. Sob!
Cecil Blenkinsop, via e-mail

Oh god, there's always one, isn't there? You realise this means you'll miss out on this month's exclusive cover tape game, don't you? I don't know, some people...

A Scratchy Copy

Dear sirs/madame
I too have also noticed the lack of cover tape. I looked in the CD drive,the floppy drive and even behind the monitor but no luck. So off I went down to the local newsagent to tell him about the problem. I tried telling him that there was no tape with the mag and that he should give me one. He told me to shove off and got his burly sons to throw me out of the shop! But I didn't give in so easily, ha. I went back into the shop and told him that if he didn't give me my cover tape I would report him to Sinclair User and their readers would stop buying mags from his shop but he didn't care. So then I said that I would report him to Your Sinclair and that made him listen. He went to the back of the shop and returned a few minutes later with my cover tape. I gleefuly rushed out of the shop eager to play with my new tape. But when I got home all that was on the tape was a scratchy copy of a Bucks Fizz song. What must I do to get my cover tape???
Brent Cartwright, via e-mail

There is only one way to get your cover tape. You must first train yourself in the ways of the Jedi. Then travel to the planet Takenda (it's only a couple of thousand light years away). There you must defeat the tyrannical forces of the Comfora Empire, and rescue the honest, hard-working Takendans. Their queen will then give you their highest honour; the missing cover tape. Or you could visit your GP and tell him about it. I'm sure he'll be able to provide you with either a tape or something to make you feel better (or at least keep you sedated).

Straight Bananas

Sir,
I was interested to read your special feature on page 72 of your July issue, entitled "Spice Up Your Sex Life". The box-out on the Spice Girls' fivesome bedroom frolics was particulary enlightening - I never knew you could have so much fun with a banana! However, a change in EU regulations on the straightness of bananas may make this "activity" more difficult or more painful in the future.
Chris, via e-mail

I can only wonder what magazine received a letter about playing games with their Spectrum, and what they made of it.

Resurrected

Dear YS3,
I just happened to come across YS3 (via a brief glance at comp.sys.sinclair) (Oo-er! - Ed) and I was overjoyed to find that my favourite Spectrum magazine has been resurrected. I think you're doing a great job so far, I can hardly tell it apart from the real thing!
Just one more thing; any chance you could put all the pages in a single zip file for download so that those of us who have to pay for our phone calls don't have to read the whole magazine on-line? Oh, and is issue 1 still available anywhere?
Cheers,
Vincent (from Milton Keynes).

Sniffle... This is the kind of letter I like. Why can't we get more letters like this? Anyway, the zip file thing is a damned good idea; starting with this month the issue is now downloadable from Pssst! under Downloads (obviously). Back Issues are now available from the contents page, too. Look at that, eh? A magazine that listens to its readers and gives them what they want. You don't get that kind of service from many mags. You lot should count yourselves lucky.

Back to Contents