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Oooh the sun's come out so I'm off to the pool. "Bing Bong! Hello campers." Phew what a scorcher! I'm boiling and this inflatable rubber hippo I'm floating on doesn't help much. Talking of heat, Beyond is bringing out Dante's Inferno sometime in the future. It's an animated adventure that's based on Dante's classic poem. But even better I've found out what Beyond's mega huge Christmas title is. I'll give you a clue... beam me up Scotty. Yes that's right, it's Scottish Cup Carnival. Only joshing, it's Star Trek and it'll be based around the new film Star Trek IV called The Search For An Original Story-line due to bit the big screen in April. I really fancy a cornetto... a ha, (well-known Norwegian pop group!) I spy a man dressed in bright red trousers, a red and white shirt and an extremely garish red tie. He must be an Italian ice-cream seller. Oops he's actually the camp comedian but less said about that the better. I say, I say, I say. Did you 'ear the one about the man who paid £4,000 for a pair of Spock's pointy bits -- yes his ears, and all because it's Star Trek's 20th anniversary. Wacky or what? On the subject of comedians I hear Andrew "Not only do I look like Jimmy Somerville, don't know a thing about computers and work for a squidgy bit in the brain but I can't drive either" Wright has already written off the Thalamus company car. He was apparently driving through Manchester when suddenly, in his own words, "This Spitfire appeared from nowhere and swooped down into my path going daka daka daka daka causing me to swerve uncontrollably." Tell us another one. If you want a really interesting fact, US Gold is doing all the distribution for Thalamus. Doing! Hey it's the dinner gong -- I wonder what culinary delights are on the menu today. Black pudding and mushy peas -- my fave. Chomp, chomp... slurp. Excuse the mastication noises as I tell you the rest of the hot gossip. Shaolins's Road, the hit arcade game, is being programmed by The Edge. Look out for it on Konami's new software label... crunch...chomp... Durell is going completely crazy over new releases for Christmas. It's got no less than eight new titles. So here goes for a quick run-down. I'll just switch on the tape-recorder and play it to you while I play Bingo. Legs eleven... September sees the launch of two arcade games called Thanatos and Chain Reaction... two fat ladies... Thanatos is Greek for death and that's just what you'll be dealing out as you play a dragon. You must fly through the underworld wreaking havoc in order to slay Eros, the life giver. Clickety, click... Chain Reaction takes place in a nuclear power station where numerous radioactive rods have been scattered about. With your trusty Jet-pac and untested Radioactive suit you must clear the building and defuse the bomb... shake the bag Albert... Then there's Saboteur II ... all the fours droopy drawers... Also keep your eyes peeled for The Vikings, The Big 4, Killer Dos, Sigma Seven and Deep Strike... Full house! Wow I won the bingo... that's a whole 50 pee more spending money... maybe I'll enter the glamorous grannies competition. But first I'm off for a donkey ride... Gargoooooiles... help..I mean Gargoyle's new arcade label is to be titled... oooh... Faster Than Light -- I bet it isn't as fast as this bloomin' donkey...arrrh, sorry I didn't mean it. The first two releases appearing on the new label will be Shockwave Rider and Light Force...wahay, I nearly, fell off then. LF is a space combat game that features triple speed scroll to make it even more like the arcades. Shockwave Rider includes a new animation technique called Lasermation which produces vivid detailed high speed images... I've had enough of... splat... oomph!... that little ass just threw me off, onto my... ...oh to be a Redcoat. I just lurve men in uniforms. Talking of Redcoats, Ariolasoft is bringing out Camelot Warriors later this autumn -- it's an arcade adventure and should be groovy. Ariolasoft will also be releasing Tujad and its new strategy game, Deactivators. Wheee! Aren't fairs fun? I'm just going to have a quick go on the Switchback. Diddly dum... diddly dum... whirr.. Sparklers is bringing out-.. whizz.. Danger Mouse Making Whoopsies, sorry Whoopee... spin... spin.. arggh... and its also releasing... whee... Time Wreck and... yeehah! Stage Coach. Bleeurgh. I'm a sucker for punishment. I'm off to play on the dodgems... Crash... Vortex is producing Revolution.. bang... US Gold has a new game on the cards called Infiltrator... Thud... take that you cad... Addictive is launching two new games this autumn -- Headcoach which is an American football strategy game and... bump... oooowah .... a block busting strategy game called President in which you play the president -- I'd never have guessed. Well, my holiday has nearly finished and not a moment too soon, but before I go I've got a couple of interesting snippets of news to tell you. Gremlin, in the wake of Jack The Nipper, is to release Footballer of The Year, and Avenger -- The Way Of The Tiger II. Sounds grrrrrreat! That's it for this month, I'm just about to get the coach back home, thank God. In the dying words of George V .... Bogger Bugner! (Er, shouldn't that be the other way round? Ed). Teresa Maughan
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