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| T'zers | ||
Er... well I haven't got that much to say really except... brrrrring brrrrrring... excuse me a second, "Hello, er, can I help you?" "Hi is that T'zer?" Ummm yeah, who's that? "It's Andrew 'I don't look a bit like Jimmy Somerville, well all except for my hair, and okay my face, a bit, and the way I dress, I suppose' Wright. I'm just ringing to tell you I'm setting up my own software company called Thalumus." Er, surely that's a squishy bit of flesh in your brain that controls your libido. "No, no, that's the Thalamus, and don't call me Shirley... anyway this software company is gonna-be real groovy. We'll be releasing a game in September and another two titles before Christmas." Well thanks Andy I'll pass it on to the readers. "Bye!" Sorry 'bout that... anyway where was I... oh yeah the Spectrum scene. First for the update on the supposed Sinclair supercomputer, the Loki. Forgeddit! As I told you there was a flash computer at the drawing board stage before Sinclair went west but Amstrad didn't want it. So, the people who were developing it have now set up on their tod with a company called Flair. But the first job will be getting their hands on some Iolly -- so watch out for a joystick interface and a sound/music interface first. Only then can they get cracking on the computer -- but it won't now have Spectrum compatibility because there's no way Amstrad's letting the rights to that go. Oh, and did you know that Loki is the name of the Norse god of practical jokes. Neither did a few other people I could mention... well, okay neither did I, but I read it somewhere. And while we're on the hard stuff, slurp, here's news of another computer that won't be Speccy compatible if it ever sees the light of day -- Sinclair's Pandora portable. And since Amstrad owns the rights to a lot of the other parts that Sinclair intended to use, it looks like it's back to the drawing board for that project. But now for the games... Guess what? "T'zer... come 'ere." Sorry but I've got to go again, the Ed is beckoning... shuffle... just hang on and contemplate your naval or something till I get back (click, whizz, click) pant, pant, puff, puff. I'm back. I just had to go off and do a photo shoot for the mega-big compo this issue -- don't miss it! Whoops I've just split Lilt everywhere -- so here's some soggy info. Elite is presently working on a new rapid action shoot 'em up that's based on a well-known coin-op game called... "T'zer I hope you're not mentioning any names." Who me? Course not. Anyway this 'schhhh you know what, I won't mention Clint Eastwood' game'll have 320 screens and is being programmed by our very own Tony 'Slim' Samuels. Look out for it at the PCW show. Kqushhhhhhhh... package... kqushhhhhh... for Miss Maughan... bsssccchh. Oh goody gum drops I just lurve packages. Thanks. I'll just open it to see if it's anything irlteresting. Rustle rustle... "Yes." No I didn't call you, Russell. Hey wow, it's from CRL. It's bringing out a new arcade game set in space called Captain Slog. Who's been looking at the room names in JSWII, then? Your mission is to zap around the galaxy in search of blue-prints that'll lead you to the teleportation room and allow you to return to Earth. Captain Slog'll be on CRL's budget label, Alpha Omega and should be out soon. Budget labels are pretty hip at the moment... Elite is launching its new cheapie label called... wait for it... 2.99 Classics. It'll be releasing its old games at a budget price -- the first four to shuffle onto the shelves will be Full Throttle, 3D Deathchase, Skool Daze and Valhalla. Can't wait... Brrrrrrrrring brrrrrrrrring... that damn phone again... can't someone else answer that? I'm trying to write T'zers? "T'zer it's Richard Tisdall from US Gold on the line." Oh okay I'll take it. "Hello T'zer it's Richard. Thought you might like to know about the four new titles US Gold has got coming out on the Americana budget label!" Not another cheap label! "Yup! All games will be £2.99. In Subterranean Nightmare top scientist Prof Fusion is sent to investigate unusual seismic disturbances..." Unusual seismic what? "Don't ask! Anyway, he's horrified by his findings..." l bet he is! "And that's all I know at the moment. But there's also Pud Pud..." Yummy! "...that's set in Weird World and a deadly kiss from Mrs Pud Pud breeds terror throughout the kingdom. (Sounds like one of T'zer's deadly kisses! Ed). Except for Mr Pud Pud, who's got an insatiable appetite for her delicious puddings!" Sounds disgusting to me. "Apart from that there'll also be an arcade adventure called Tremor and a re-release of The Hulk and I'm afraid I don't know anything else at the moment." Thanks Richard, why don't you write T'zers for me while you're at it. "Ummm... er... I must go." Being such a dynamic journalist I did a bit of research, know what I mean John, and I uncovered a juicy bit of gossip. I s'pose you want to know now -- well what's it worth? Oh okay then... US Gold has got the rights to convert the coin-op arcade game Gauntlet. It's the D&D game that you can play against three friends. "T'zer theres an alligator in reception who wants to speak to you." Oh yeah, and Editors can fly. "No really, that's what he said." Show him in them. Oh, it's David Palmer from AIligata Software. Apparently the Ally Pallies are bringing out an Action Pack of four games for the Spectrum featuring Showjumping, Match Fishing, Labyrinthion and Son Of Blagger for £4.99. Snappy! David also told me that Alligata will be bringing out quite a few new products for the Speccy in the coming months. See you later Alligata. I'm bored with writing T'zers. I know, let's play charades. Right it's a film, TV series and possibly a book and it's soon to be a computer game from Beyond. D'you know what it is? Good 'cos neither do I. But it should be out before Chrimble and it's beinc written by Mike Singleton and two of the founding members of Denton Designs. C'mon Beyond, spill the beans to T'zer. "T'zer, I hope you're writing your column and not playing games. On my desk in half an hour." What me or the column???!!! (You should be so lucky. Ed). Back to the up-to-the-minute gen on all the latest Speccy games. I've lost my notes now... er... urn... "Gush gush, hi T'zer it's me Gwyn Hughes your fave hyperactive reviewer. I've brought the lovely Rachael Smith with me too!" Oh god somebody take those slurp slurp lovebirds (yeeeurch) away. "But I've got some really hot stuff. Software Projects is bringing out Dragon's Lair." Wasn't that the first interactive video game? "It certainly was. This king called Ethel Red..." Will he be ready in time I ask myself? "...has this beautiful daughter who's been kidnapped by this real fiend of a dragon called Singe. Daphne, the princess, is in lurve (more fool her) with Dirk the Daring -- a brave knight in shining armour. A little perturbed that his bird's been whisked off by a dragon with halitosis, Dirk decides he must come..." What? "...to the rescue!" Oh right. Sounds real dappy. Brrrrrrring brrrrrrrrrring. I'm not answering that. Activision and Ariolasoft have been playing swopsies lately. Activision is bringing out Aquadrome, the follow-up to Ariolasoft's Panzadrome and Ariolasoft is bringing out Toadrunner, the follow-up to Activision's sister company, Electric Dream's Riddler's Den. Confused? You're not the only... "T'zer that was the BBC on the phone wanting you to do a TV appearance but I told them you weren't interested." Typical! Still, s'pose I ought to finish this flippin' column -- it's so much more fun! Just gotta go and make a coffee -- amuse yourselves till I get back (don't be revolting!) Slurp... Martech has just been on the blower... slurp... guzzle... to tell me about its new game W.A.R.... gulp... slurp... it's a shoot 'em up set in space... schulurpp... An alien race has built a space station in a cylinder and you've got to fly your craft into the cylinder and over the planet surface knocking off the baddies -- it's gonna be tough. Guzzle... hic... Well, no really, it's been lovely but I must dash. I've had a better offer -- you'll just have to wait until next month for the rest of the gossip as I simply haven't got time to finish T'zers. Will someone unlock these chains please? Please? Pleeeeeeeease...
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