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| T'zers | ||
What better place to start than Mountie Mick's Death Ride from Ariolasoft? It's a shoot 'em up that takes place on the Trans Canadian Express, Watch out for it at the end of Jan. What else? Oh, Ariolasoft is also bringing out Zarjazz, another shoot 'em up, and Triaxos, in which you have to rescue a man who's been imprisoned in a cube. Whoops looks like a speed trap up ahead -- it's a good job my brakes work. Trap just happens to be the name of Alligata's (gimme an alligata sandwich and make it snappy) new release due in February. On it's budget label, Budgie there's Octagon and, cheep, cheep... Rockman. Oh dear, some fool's puffing into a breathalyser bag over there. It's stupid to drink and drive -- you get soaked every time you go round a corner and you get ice up your nose. Whirrrrrr ... thump... clunk... donk... I've lost a wheel... Thud... Oops, I've hit something. Oh it's alright, it's only Richard Tisdall from US Gold. "Arrh ... ouch..." What are you moaning about, you've still got the other leg. "It's amazing we should run into each other like this 'cos I've got something unbelievable to tell you." Unbelievable! What? "I just told you, a compilation of four Ultimate games called Unbelievable. I'm going to hop along now. Bye." Splut... whizz ... graunch! Oh, another wheel's gone... "Two wheels on my wagon... Whoops it's a policeman. "EIIo 'ello 'ello. Excuse me madam, is this your car? Would you stop this vehicle, cos I can't hang on your wipers for much longer..." Crunch! "Ah, yes just by this lamppost will do fine! Before I go any further I must warn you that anything I am about to say, may be taken down and held against you." Cheeky! "Ahem, right then. It has come to my notice that Melbourne House is bringing out a sequel to The Hobbit called Where Hobbits Dare. I also have reason to believe that Mastertronic is bringing out a game called Feud. I was proceeding in a westerly direction, when I noticed that PSS is bringing out Battlefield and Heroquest, the sequel to Swords And Sorcery. Well, that just about wraps it up. Evenin' all!" Now where was I? Ah yes, Rod Cousens tells me that Electric Dreams is releasing Star Raiders II, a classic shoot 'em up in space that'll be out pretty soon. It's also releasing Chameleon, in which you play a character who's battling against the four elements. Bit like Jim Bacon! Activision has a few new products up its sleeves too, though there's not much room for its arms! Wonderboy is an arcade licence in which the hero must rescue the fair Tina. A real Turner up for the books! Or what about Quartet? Space Pirates are invading 006 space colony and you must fight them off. Clank... thunk... Wow! A Triumph unicycle! I'll have to stop and see what's wrong, Tinker, tinker. I reckon my big end's gone! (Wipe that smile off your face.) I'll have to call the AA -- hic! And then the RAC. While I'm waiting ... oh look, someone's tooting a horn. It's Paul Finnegan from Ocean in his new Merc. I wonder if he'll stop and help? "Hi there, T'zer. Ocean's releasing Tai Pan, the follow up to Shogan. It's also releasing Arkanoid and Renegade. Can't stop. Byeee." Zooom! He didn't even slow down! Hey it's a flasher. Yep, the RAC man's here. "What seems to be the trouble?" My car's dead. "It looks like a demolition job to me. That reminds me -- CRL is bringing out Ballbreaker and Death Or Glory." Well, I'll just finish T'zers while I'm waiting. System 3's releasing Bangkok Knights and Last Ninja -- the last and ultimate ninja game (likely story). "Okay I've patched her up. That'll be 114 quid." Thanks a lot. Your cheque's in the post... Clunk... screech ... patched up is the word -- my bits are falling off. Who's that thumbing a lift? It's Sue Quinn from Gremlin. Very handy. I'll give you a lift if you tell me about Gremlin's new games. "Okay, Gremlin's releasing Krakout, West Bank, Convoy Raider and Samurai Trilogy." Scrunch... ping! "What was that?" Don't worry, it was only the roof flying off. "Flippin' heck! Where was I... Oh, it's also licensed Deathwish III (apt eh?) and Basil The Great Mouse Detective and if you don't mind I'd rather get out here." I can't see why but alright. "Aaaaaaargh..." Tee hee. Why didn't she wait until I'd stopped? London three miles? Hooray! I'm back. Well, I'd better get to YS and write this up. I'll just take the tape out... Oh no, I didn't put one in! I've got to write it all again! Swish... swosh... Teresa Maughan
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