'Hello, I'm a concerned
citizen, and I'd just like to
tell you about this review.
It's an eighteen certificate
review, you see, as it's full
of disturbingly violent
descriptions of an excessively
vicious game. You might actually
want to go out and pick some
flowers rather than expose
yourself to...' Oh, get out of the
way, you tedious small-minded
individual.
Space Gun is the
unofficial (hem hem) game of the
film Aliens, with you tramping
through a network of tunnels
completely overrun with alien
scum, blasting them and rescuing
a group of colonists. The story's
told in some nice between-level
graphics - just a pity you have to
load them in separately. Still,
gives you plenty of time to
get ready. (Sound of
someone arming up with
several clanky guns.)
Picture this... you're
walking down a corridor,
and these things come down
from the ceiling. I thought they
were like those splotches on
Patrick Moore's face 'til they shot
at me.
(Eh? Ed) Amble a little
further, and these doors open. Oo-er, that's ominous. (Sound of bolt
being drawn back on ludicrously
big gun.)
All of a sudden, the screen fills
with aliens. Lots of 'em. So you
shoot them, but they don't die.
Bits fly off instead. Arms and legs
go spiralling away but they don't
care. The aliens keep on coming,
so you keep on blasting until they
fall down dead. Hahahahaha! Die,
non-human life-forms!
Dakkadakkadakka! Pow!
Powpowpow! Ha, got 'era. (Pant
pant.) Then these face-huggery
things jump onto your visor and
you have to scorch them off.
Fwoosh! Hahahahaha! Perish in
the all-cleansing flame of justice,
diseased interplanetary creatures!
(I think he's getting a little too
involved here. Ed)
And then things start getting
silly. Aliens pour out of the walls.
You shoot off their arms so they
can't claw you. There are bits of
bodies all over the shop. Colonists
run around in a panic. Bullets fly
everywhere. Your view is totally
obscured. You're firing blind,
switching between guns,
grenades and
flame-throwers.
The end-of-level
guardian pops up.
You blaze away.
Another level loads, and you start
all over again. And it's a stomach-churningly large amount of fun.
Who cares about colour clash,
dodgy sound effects or an
awkward multiloader when the
game's this much (there's that
word again) fun? I enjoyed every
dishonest, unclean minute of it.
Worth four pounds of any slightly
unbalanced Vietnam veteran's
money. (Twitch twitch,
polish gun.)
| Arcade version screenshot... |

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