STERN WARNING
At last the cover illustration of Your Sinclair issue 3 has pushed me into writing to you. Do you really think that the image of computing (to non computees) is enhanced by the childish and revolting cover of your latest issue?
    My wife asks, do I have to read horror comics? My nurse says, is this what you look like after an hour at the keyboard? I would not read this issue in a crowded train! Perhaps you should advertise your subscription rates with 'sent under plain cover' in case the postman sees what the readers are getting.
B Stern
Northwood, Middlesex

He came from Northwood. At first he seemed normal enough, friendly even. But the tell-tale signs were there. Why did he need a nurse? After-all, he was only suffering from a mild case of fogeyitis. Finally, the full horror dawned but by then it was too late. 'Mr' Stern removed his mask and revealed himself to be.. a dentist! Ed

I'm still reeling from the YS cover illustration of issue 3. Now every time I see my Spectrum, I imagine a hand ripping off the rubber membrane to reveal... oh, it's too too horrible... a BBC computer!
    I know Tom Stimpson was the culprit, although his name was written so small at the bottom of the contents page you would hardly let him take the blame.
    Why wasn't the identity of this man much bigger, so everyone could see what a devilish genius he is. The rascal has a mighty talent for artwork if he can stun me like that.
J Hayes
Bushey, Herts

Glad someone liked the cover - even if, as many of you pointed out, our visiting reptilian had human eyes and didn't speak with forked tongue. But how could Tom Stimpson tell - for once in her life, T'zer refused to stick her tongue out at someone. Ed

STAR LETTER CLEESED OFF "95p! 95 flippin' p a month we pay for YS! I mean, what has YS ever given us?"     Well, there's Frontlines, T'zers, QL News...     "News!"     There's Letters, Doodlebugs, Trainspotters, Hack Free Zone...     "Apart from Frontlines, T'zers, QL News, Letters, Doodlebugs,I Trainspotters and Hack Free Zone what has YS ever given us?"     Hex's Heroes, Reviews with some pretty hot screenshots, Hit List, Previews, MegaBasic, Task Force, Maps, Hacking Away, Microdrivin', Heart To Hartnell, Cartoons, QL Software, Hard Facts, Adventure Pages...     "It's too small!"     Input/Output, Backlash, great compos, listings...     "There aren't any adverts!"     Oh yes there are!     "Okay, apart from Frontlines, T'zers, QL News, Letters (Snip! Ed), listings and adverts what has YS ever given us?"     There aren't any decent Letters... except this one!     In short, thanks YS, it's well worth it! David Bovill Pwllheli, Gwynedd Let's have some photos of the YS team in the mag (especially the gals!) After an ad like that, how could I refuse, So here they are - YS's answer to the Nolans, the Nohopes!          Someone once said that they made the sound of a Spectrum loading seem musical. Ouch! No, course it wasn't me who said it... Ed

MY BRANE HURTS
Recently my Speccy keyboard gave up on me (well, it was only four of the keys actually) but that was bad enough. I thought I'd have to pay £20 to get it fixed but, in fact, all it cost me was 95p. I dismantled the Speccy and found the problem - the membrane. So, I wedged a piece of, yes you guessed it, YS under it and now it works perfectly.
D A Rogers
Ruislip, Middlesex

And this is because YS reaches the parts other mags cannot reach. Ed

CHEAP HACK
Bonjour gringos (or do I mean comrades?). I just had to tell Peter Pan, YS's mild mannered shootin' man, as well as amaze and enthrall the paying public, with my true story (soon to be made into a major TV drama!).
    'Twas a Friday evening as it happened, and as we all know, Friday evening everybody gets the urge to do summat really freaky (like build an RS232 lead out of an egg carton).
    Personally, I went completely loopy and did a bit of the old GBH on me piggy bank. After an hour in Boots which I have no recollection of (what d'you expect after an hour in there!) I ended up outside three quid worse off. And for this paltry sum I received a MAD game called Spellbound.
    What made me defy the laws of tight-fistedness? You - yes it was the old smack between the user ports with a screen shot play. Anyway on with the story. This game as it 'appens was so hard that l ended up committing Sinclair sacrilege and in a fit of rage... Aaaaargh... the old Speccy got an exploding fist in the rubber keyboard.
    Now at this point things really start to hot up. Suddenly before my eyes appears the Basic loader - mysterious eh? Then after a poke around, instead of rejoining the on-screen frolics, it happened. The top of the screen was spewing pixels all over the shop and before my very eyes appeared this message: "Hello Hacker!" Well, Spellbound I certainly was. And at £2.99 that was the cheapest way that I've heard of becoming a hacker.
    So, in order to prevent undue stress and excitement on those with dickie hearts here is a warning: Status Warning - YS can seriously affect your unhackerliness.
    Think the mag is all the usually creepy comments and a few more. Oh yes, and was that 'From Czar Hip' that I sore in ish 3. I'm shaw that Mr Shore should be informed of what a commie machine is...
Richard Tucker
Canterbury, Kent
PS Did you know that the PM's a hacker? (Beeb 2, 9pm)

Yes, you have all the makings of a true hacker in the style of our very own Chris Wood. He too is prone to random acts of violence and to telling naff jokes. Which come to think of it, is well on the way to qualifying the pair of you to become politicians. Gulp. Ed

NOW YOU SEE IT...
Well you've finally cracked it... the ultimate unfinishable game. Space Invaders without the invaders! Are you trying to start a new craze like crosswords - a page full of gaps that you have to fill in with the right letters? Your latest attempt at the do-it-yourself game trade was Battle Fleet Orion in issue 3. All human life was there - except for the graphics. It's great shooting invisible lasers at invisible invaders - you can't lose!
    A Trainspotter Award -- ha! - more like the York Railway Museum!
P J C Sutcliffe
Worcester Park, Surrey
PS Could you possibly send me an amendment sheet so I can cheat and see what I'm doing.

Fiendish, isn't it. Of course, we can't claim that the idea's totally original - Elite did have invisible aliens first. It's just that we've taken the concept one stage further and given them invisible lasers. But as usual, all modern art is misunderstood at first, so for all you traditionalists who can't enjoy a good game unless you can see something, an sae will secure a version of Battle Fleet Orion with visible aliens. Just how boring can you get! Ed

A HUNDRED LINES
What about the Back To Skool review? The safe isn't where Rachael says. It's on the other side of the room - yes, that thing with the cross on it is no First Aid box. Then there's a real mess on 'how to conker Albert.' You have to drop a stink bomb near a window, not near the tree. And when you knock out Albert (from the top window, incidentally) he doesn't give you any lines. The Ed must've been pressing Rachael too hard (No such luck! Ed), because she doesn't seem to have played the game for more than an hour or so.
Jim Routsis
Athens, Greece
PS Since you'll start making some very clever remarks when you see where I live, here's some help: moussaka, ouzo, sirtaki, Zorba, opa! How about Troubleshootin' Petros for next month?

Ah, Greece! Cradle of civilisation. The wine-dark seas lapping the sun-drenched shores. You may have lost your marbles (for the time being) but think of all you've given to the world besides moussaka, ouzo and those squelchy squid thingies that taste like a Speccy keyboard. Yeuch! Homer gave us the nod, Archimedes the screw, Plato invented the cross-your-heart bra and Demis Roussos the one-man tent. But above all we must sing the praises of Greece, the home of... Nana Mouskouri! Ed

RASPUTIN RIP-OFF
I'm writing to you about tape piracy which may not be known in England but it's a way of life to Portugeuse salesmen.
    This has its 'advantages' since I never have to pay more for any game than you have to shell out for Finders Keepers.
    But don't jump to conclusions too soon. Very rarely do we get any playing instructions.
    Can you image playing a game like Elite without knowing what's going on.
    But if this wasn't enough, the weirdest thing happened to me this week.
    Two weeks after your exclusive review of Rasputin I saw it in a shop so I rushed in to buy it. It was a good buy, excellent graphics, good animation and so on, just as it was mentioned in your review but... something was wrong! When I completed the fourth screen, guess what? Where was the fifth screen? Imagine my face when I realised I'd bought a copy of the demo program that came along with the first issue of Your Sinclair.
    I'd just like you to print something to show the dealers who sold me this game that their attitude is not on.
    Oh, before I go, could you let me know if the signature Ed stands for a name? I'm a little confused as I seem to remember an English film on the telly all about Mr Ed, the talking horse...
Jose Pedro
Portugal

You're confused! How d'you think we all feel working on a magazine that's got a talking horse for an editor. Explains a bit about the magazine though, don't you think? Troubleshootin' Pete. Nay! Ed

FRIDAY 13TH - PART TWO
Bleeeuurgh! That word just about sums up my thoughts on the Friday The 13th poster in YS 2.
    Being too young to see the film, I also consider myself too young to pin this gory poster to my wall.
    I don't mind the blood splattered face too much - it's the photo of the Ed in the top left hand corner that revolts me.
Chris Buxton
Keighley, W Yorks
PS Why the candles Ed? Had the money in the electric meter run out?

No, it was the Ed's birthday! Well, we've always said he's a real 'Edcase. But now someone wants to kick him up the bum. He can borrow my boot! Troubleshootin' Pete

I most strongly protest about the Friday The 13th feature in YS 2. I don't know what idiot was responsible for its inclusion but whoever it be, he needs a jolly good kick up the backside. I've been a devoted reader of your mag for a long time but if you're going to keep putting disgusting and horrific items like this in, I'm off! And furthermore, I don't think I'll be alone either! Think about it.
Anthony Mayers
Wrexham, Clwyd

TRAINSPOTTER AWARD You are the Ed and I claim my Trainspotter Award. On page 17 of March's issue of (wait for it) fabulous Your Sinclair (pause) in the review of Raiders Of The Lost Ring (I know where to look) the highly significant overall figure calculated from graphics, playability etc etc has been PRINTed INK white OVER PAPER white. This makes it difficult to spot at a glance which review is worth reading immediately and which to leave till after your tea's ready. Christopher J Sutcliffe Halifax, West Yorkshire PS Why on page 4 of the same ish is there a picture of Esther Rantzen in From The Hip instead of You-know-who? I think we should be told. That's life, I suppose. As for the Trainspotter Award, I'm afraid you've disqualified yourself. It was indeed printed white on white but you'll find that if you look at the page in a dark room the number appears black. Okay, so does the rest at the page, but you can't have everything. Ed Do you think that this letter deserves a YS Trainspotter Award? (What d'you mean NO!) (What d'you mean by putting comments in brackets? I'm the only one allowed to do that. Ed) After reading through YS 3 for the umpteenth time (nothing much else to do on a Sunday really, except clean the car, mow the lawn, take the dog for a walk etc etc), t hen suddenly realised what it was that was giving me large brain pains (and no it wasn't my SpecDrum playing at full blast!). Looking at Rachael Smith's article on the drum synthesizer I couldn't help wondering if she has somehow got her menu's in a muddle.     Shouldn't the so called Edit menu be renamed as the Pattern Menu, and the so called Pattern menu be renamed the Real time menu (or perhaps my version of the SpecDrum is different to everyone else's?) Tim Jarrett South Norwood, London Now I know it looks bad but there's a simple explanation for all this... just give me time to make one up. In the meantime perhaps a Trainspotter Award will keep you happy. And do a favour - next month mow the dog and take the lawn for a walk. Ed

    

SMALL PRINT I think that YS is very rude, cheeky and full of 'sex'. I love it! Simon Woolcott Glasgow, Scotland Sex? Are you sure it's YS you're reading? Perhaps the subscription department has started sending it under a plain brown wrapper. Ed By the way, it's still the best mag on the market and I suggest you slap T.P.'s legs for not noticing your little slip. Nic Walde Bracknell, Berks I've told him not to mention my slip in the mag. What I wear is my own affair. Ed What are the qualifications needed to become editor of YS? T Dalziel Aberdeen, Scotland Genius, pure genius. Oh, and modesty. Ed

WHEN I GET OLDER
Don't know what to do... retired... 65 today - thought might as well write you rude letter. (Why not - everyone else does. Ed)
    Used to like old magazine... not keen on this... full of old twaddle from nutty nippers... not to mention would-be jokey juveniles... all seem have one topic... keep rabbiting about spotty trains.
    Glad to see you took on young Hartnell... not too hot on computers... much better at wedding dresses etc.
    Even good old royal dressmaker made cock-up... issue 3 page 59.
    My maths say 90+260*0=90+0... your bloke says "90+260"... should've done calculations on Spectrum... not on sewing machine.
    Please forward reward for putting you right to above... make any cheque payable to 'Carter The Magnificent'.
    Yours thingummy etc
Charles Carter
Sidcup, Kent

Know what you mean... mag not what was... gone to dogs... White City mostly... just doesn't add up... specially the sums... printing letters without verbs... and no money for rewards! Ed

MINE'S A DOUBLE
I've found a strange bug in Fairlight. Near the start of the game, there's a room containing barrels and a descending staircase. While I was moving barrels Isvar became trapped. While trying to escape another Isvar appeared. Both Isvars were blocked. So, I used the scroll and both Isvars were transported to the courtyard.
    And although it's an empty screen neither of them could move and I had to abandon the game.
John McCleave
Poole, Dorset

Yesh, I've done exshactly as you inshtructed and at firsht I had no luck. I'll have a drink to pash the time, I shed. Well, three fingers of firewater later and what did I shee - Ishvar One and Ishvar Two. And boy were they moving - shwaying all over the shop. Can't undershtand it meshelf! Ed

KUNG FU BLUES
To whoever can read properly at YS. (Bring in the cat someone... Ed). Hi there guys and gals, it's me again.
    Y'know, the kid who wrote in groaning about the fact that there was no Congratulations message upon beating Tenth Dan in Way Of The Exploding Fist. Well this time the gripe is Yie Ar Kung Fu and stand by kiddies, this one's a dinger! I played the game for twenty minutes before I reached stage nine, the Grand Master himself, Blues. Now it took quite a bit of pounding before I finally squished his grapes for good and he fell on his back waving his legs in the air (which seems to be a custom amongst defeated people). So, I sat back and waited for maybe a fanfare, a couple of beeps... anything. "So, what did happen?" I hear the entire readership of YS rise up as one man and ask. ("So what did happen?" The YS Readership As One Man). Zilcho, that's what. The game goes on to stage ten which is really the fat guy from stage one in disguise with a few more kicks up his sleeve. So I battled on, and on, and on, and on, and yawn until I reached stage 101! At which point I saw no reason for prolonging the agony and pulled the plug.
    I'm coming round to the opinion that games just aren't worth playing if you don't get anything out of them. I'm not asking for our Cliff singing Congratulations at the end of each game. But what's wrong with a simple beep, I ask you!
Andrew 'when will he stop
beating games' Hunter
Battersea, London

Okay, let's have a reader's poll on the best ending to a game. Is it Willy with his head down the loo? Or the evil Elvin Atombender at the end of Impossible Mission? Or the ghostly ghoulies going to ground in Nightshade? Or maybe you reckon that it's only ghastly Commie owners who need a pat on the head and a constant accumulation of brownie points to keep 'em concentrating. Remember there's a YS badge waiting for the best letter on the topic. Ed

LIZARD LIMERICK
There was a young reptile from Ocean,
    Who made a great fuss and commotion:
    The reason - a silly one,
    She'd been called an amphibian,
    And she'd told them that she was reptilian.
    Yes, I claim a Trainspotter Award for this inexcusable boob. (You'd better get some red dust quick or Diana will probably ensure that there are no more issues of YS!) I am, of course, referring to the V preview in which Diana is described as 'the amphibian who'd been the Visitors' ambassador'. Now come along, everyone knows that you can't be both a reptile and an amphibian and the Visitors are definitely reptiles.
    Having got that off my chest - ugh, don't know what it was doing there in the first place - oi'd loike tuh say 'ow much oi enjoyed yur mag. 'Twere first toime as what oi'd bought it, 'twill not be the larst. (Dun wonders for yur Inglish too, oi'm 'appy t'see! Ed).
Garry Lancaster
Downend, Bristol

You're right about the reptile
    But stop and think for a while,
    If you look at me,
    I think you'll agree,
    Amphibians are much more my style! Ed.

SLEIGHT DELAY
I'm one in ten million 'cos I have won a Trainspotter Award. My friends all think I'm a superhero. "Wow" they say, "We've seen your name in YS.
    Cor, bet you're dead chuffed sitting there just looking at the spot on the wall where you've got it framed." I just um'n'arr.
    And d'you know why I um'n'arr. (A speech impediment? Ed). 'Cos I haven't got a certificate to look at!
    Is all this sham I have to suffer part of the test to prove that I'm truly fit to have the award bestowed on me?
    Please, please, please send me my certificate. The postie is getting sick of me grabbing him by the scruff and accusing him of popping it through the wrong door. If I have to wait any longer the doctor's going to take me off the tablets. I can't go on like this - life's getting on top of me. I'm starting to take it out on my Speccy and it's not its fault. My hands are all of a shake, my typing is suffering, my family is suffering, I'm suffering. HELP.
M Sleight
Bentley, South Yorkshire
PS Do you want me to send the postage or summat?

Well, every little helps, of course ... I'd like to blame this terrible delay on your Trainspotter Award Evaluation Department, but we haven't got one. I wouldn't mind laying the blame on the recent postal strike ... but there hasn't been one. Even British Rail would do as a scapegoat but for the life of me I can't think why it'd be their fault. No, there's only one thing for it - I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and lay the blame on the one person who is responsible. That's right I'll have to come clean. It was ... Troubleshootin' Pete. Why haven't you sent out the Trainspotter Awards, Pete? Ed. Um, Arr... T.P.

BOUGHT IT SKIPPER
Has anyone else come across the annoying bugs that probably make Spitfire 40 impossible?
    The flying hours that are displayed never get past 59 minutes - the hours always remain at zero. Also, in 'practice' mode, the flying hours aren't added on as it says in the instructions.
    Since medals and ranks probably depend on flying hours, I can't see any way of climbing the ranks. Is it just my copy or a standard bug? I've been aloft for hours without so much as a rise in rank.
David Leitch
Methilhill, Fife

Cer-ikey. Sounds like Gerry's sent in the gremlins, skipper. Better get on the jolly old blower to Mirrorsoft, what? Crackle, hiss, Roger, hiss, hiss, crackle, over, hiss and out. Seems that the first batch of 200 to wing its way out of Mirrorsoft did contain a fault. The hours displayed on your instrument panel show only the minutes, not the hours - until you've clocked up four hours flying time. But although it doesn't show them, the program is aware of your progress and should reward you with a higher rank when you've earned it. Medals, by the way, are dependent on the number of kills you make. If the bug bothers you, send your copy back to Mirrorsoft, who've promised to replace it for you. Okay. Old chap? Briefing over. Ed

12 'ATE
I've just bought a Spectrum 128!
    I'm quite satisfied with the improvements except (here we go) for one or two 'bugs'.
    There's still no joystick port and in 128K Basic mode, you can't use the Basic command keys.
    Other than that I find that the sound quality is on a par with the (spit, spit) Commie 64 - really fantastic. And the on-screen menu with its five modes (tape loader, 128K Basic, calculator, 48K Basic and tape tester) is really something.
    If Sinclair keeps up this standard, what will come next?
D G Ward
Sinfin Moor, Derby
PS The loading time for D.T.'S 128 Supertest took only thirteen minutes.
PPS Are there any books on the 128 yet?

It's good to hear from a satisfied customer. Everyone at Castle Rathbone is equally keen on the 128 with one or two qualifications. At £180 it's too expensive, especially for anyone considering upgrading from a 48K Speccy. Compatibility is a problem. Besides Elite which we mentioned last month, many more incompatible games have come to light. Poor old Firebird's come in for an especial pasting - not only will the 48K version of Rasputin not work, but the 128K version, which was written on a Spanish machine, wouldn't run on the British version. Or at least it wouldn't at the launch of the machine. And yes, there should've been a joystick port - after all, the computer's being marketed here as a games machine. Sinclair Research argues that there's no industry standard but that's just not true. It's just that the standard is not the one set by Sinclair but by Kempston. Anyway, here are a few of the things other readers would've welcomed. Ed

I've just seen Uncle Clive on the telly grinning with his 128K Speccy. Hmmm, could have been improved, I thought to myself when I read about it in the paper the next day. How about pixel attributes? That was the major let-down of the original Speccy. It would've only taken 18K which is (quick calculator out) 14.0625 per cent of the new Speccy's memory. And shock, horror the keypad's sold as a peripheral for £19.95. That's grossly overpriced for something that's almost useless.
D Garner
Harrogate, Yorkshire

Has Clive got it right? By this I mean the Speccy 128. What every self-respecting owner clamours for are the following - professional keyboard, Centronics and RS232 ports, dual 9 pin joystick ports, RGB output, disk drive storage as standard, mouse and touch tablet connections, proper hi-res screen with no colour attribute problems, massive one megabyte RAM, multi-tasking capabilities, true hi- fi sound, midi interface, full extended version of Basic, other languages available on ROM, CPM compatibility, dual processor, user definable keys, direct modem communications, text to speech conversion, voice recognition, full control of processors via assembler/disassembler/monitor ROMs, bubble memory, GEM type management system, analogue port, reset switch, light pen connection, user port, various packages such as business and art programs (Uncle Tom Cobbley? Ed); of course, not necessarily in that order.
Darren Starkey
Worthing, West Sussex

And all for under fifty quid, eh? Ed

When I read your review of the Spanish 128K Spectrum I dreaded the thought of something like that coming onto the British market - and now it has! As the Spectrum is a games computer how could it benefit from a separate numeric keypad, an RS232 or a midi port, or a connection for an RGB monitor? Okay, so Sir Clive's got some things right, like the sound coming out of the television speaker, but here's a picture of what I'd have rather seen.
    

Alexander Liddell
Edinburgh, Scotland

Now I wonder where you got that idea from? Perhaps it should be called the Specstrad! Still, it's interesting that no-one's asked for a built-in monitor. Ed

BABEY TALK
I'm writing because of an itty bitty problem with Rambo. Every time I get to the despicably dirty commie copter I shoot it and the game crashes or NEWS itself. Please can you help?
Stevey Babey V.C.
Hawick, Roxburghshire

I have a copy of Rambo and when I try to shoot the Russian helicopter the game crashes. I returned the copy to the shop and the new copy does the same. What can I do?
Chris Walker
Thurcroft, S Yorkshire

I dunno, some people are never satisfied. First you want an ending and then when you get one you're still not happy. This one does sound like a Commie plot - perhaps the next 'reader' had a hand in it. Ed

You may be surprised to know that I'm not a Spectrum owner. In fact, I'm the exact opposite, a Commodore 64 owner and damn proud of it! I don't make a habit of writing to or even reading Spectrum magazines but as I was flicking through my Speccy friend, Craig Gallagher's copy while I was waiting for one of his games to load (yawn) I came across the most slanderous, offensive and deeply disturbing letter I have ever seen. Or rather it was the reply to the letter that shocked me.
    Briefly there was this boy who didn't know whether to buy a Spectrum, a C64 or a Beeb, so his friend wrote to your magazine asking for advice on how to persuade him to buy a Spectrum. And that moron who's in charge of the letter section (Who he? Ed) dared to say the choice was easy as the Spectrum had the best graphics, the best games, in fact the best everything! This is completely untrue - have you gone completely bonkers? I will now simply state some facts that no-one can argue with.
    1) The Commodore has a SID chip which can create the most amazing sound effect...
    2) Commodore graphics and colours are among the most outstanding, if not the most outstanding in the home micro market, while the Spectrum has jerky, flickery sprites.
    3) The Commodore may not have as wide a selection of games as the Spectrum but it makes up for this in quality. I draw your attention to Hypersports, Way Of The Exploding Fist and Monty On The Run while the Spectrum can only boast such games as Horace Goes Ski-ing and Chequered Flag... (That's it. Pass the red pen... there's another three pages of these 'facts'. Ed)
Mark Devlin age 14
Troon, Ayrshire

I'm staying out of this but you can thank me for not printing your full address. You never know, you may just reach 15. Unless, of course, your Commie friends see your shiny new Your Sinclair badge. They'll think you're a defector, not just defective. Ed
    

Doodlebugs

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