BRAHMS AND LISTINGS
I have recently purchased a Sinclair +2, and with it came a book giving some simple programs. I have searched through a few of the local bookstores to find a more comprehensive book with more varied and interesting programs in them, but have been unable to find anything.
    I would be most grateful if you could recommend a book which will contain varied programs that I can tap into my computer, and your assistance would be greatly appreciated.
Carol Kennedy
Alcester, Warwickshire

There are books with Basic listings for the Spectrum around, although they tend to be simple games listings (I'm not sure if that's exactly what you want). Best bet is to try a bigger bookshop. Ed

SUB PROB
It's happened again. Another issue of YS (the December one) has gone missing, and I think I know why. Your magazine is so good that the people working at the Post Office can't resist the temptation to keep their hands off it. And that's not all that's gone missing - the game I'm supposed to get for having a puzzle printed on Pete's page has gone too!
UIf Borjesson
Ludvika, Sweden
PS. Thank you for the October issue. The reason it reached me must be that it came in an opaque envelope, so the employees at the Post Office couldn't see that it was a copy of YS.

Honestly, one of these days that Postman Pat's going to overstep the mark - and if I'm ever on the jury that tries him there'll be one vote of guilty in the sack before the curtain even goes up. Ed

STAR LETTER ELLE STAR To put it bluntly, how come there haven't been any girls winning the Star Letter? Is it because     1) They don't read Your Sinclair?     2) They don't write in?     3) You couldn't be bothered to print them?     I hope this will be the start of Star Letters for girls. Natasha Williams Winchmore Hill, London I flicked open the back issues folder to check the facts and guess who the first Star Letter I looked at was from? A girl! In fact two girls (Helen and Elaine, issue 25 to be precise). So go and stand in the corner Ed

THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF SPECCY Every month we ask folk from the four corners of the earth to write in and tell us or ask us, erm, things. This month is no exception. TEA OR COFFEE? For Dear Dir, Editor Publishing of England.     I am amateur for the Spectrum+ computer, and this me only one hobby and Spectrum is my friend.     I have not see England for 41 years, and cannot visit because that I am invalid of the leg and I have not the pounds.     My brother is fall in England and in this day I have received the notice for the wedding of his daughter along with a demand for coffee and tea that I have not got. You can help me also on this!? The publishing your several each old or new can do to also joy that I will learn Cristone (Eh? Ed).     I have not good literature for Spectrum use, but I think your publication can help better than the books, yes?     How do you do in England? Is the snow in England? Can I receive one cassette with programs from you for the Christmas? That can be wonderful and one of the best memory from England.     I happy you have understand me, not best English, and happy for three to five each your sample published (and one little coffee and tea). Yours faithfully and my best wishes for lovely Christmas. Jozef Piotr Mrowiec UI. Aniola 4, Katowice Zaleze, Poland PS. I can received one old Sinclair Programs for learning The Cristone programs write and for learning other? Please. Thank you from Gott. Sorry about your leg, Josef, but apart from that I don't really know what you're talking about (mind you I can't speak a word of Polish, so you're ahead of me). Um, you seem to want me to send you some tea and coffee for some reason (or do you want me to send it to your brother?) I'll send you a couple of mags, anyway, but what on earth is Cristone?? Ed. WRONG NUMBER Respectable Editorial office! I take interest in computer Commodore.     For that reason I ask you to send me some specimens Your Newspaper. Dariusz Pawlaczyk Olesnica, Poland Well, you got the Editorial Office bit right. Ed

DISK-US
I'm the owner of a Sinclair +3 (I got it for Christmas) and I've already started buying your magazine, which I think is really good and interesting to read - I'm thinking of subscribing.
    There's one little problem though. As you know, you always give away free games and demos on cassette, but I thought it would be a good idea to send out a certain amount of free disks with every batch of Your Sinclair that you send to newsagents - then we +3 owners could go to the counter and ask for the disk instead of the tape
Russell Williams
Stockton-On-Tees,
Cleveland

Sounds great in theory, but the disk production would cost a lot and the price of the mag would have to go up to cover it. Why not just transfer the tapes onto disk at your end? Much simpler, really! Ed

GEORDIE
Wye aye man, ye furry bum-wipe. (An' a ain't talking aboot Yeer Sinclair,
    Ye naa, all yaw Southners canna speak propar Englash, ye naa wat I mean? Like in yer 'Smashing Tips' yen bonny writer couldna reet it cleer enough.
    War am tryn to say is cad ye please explain it in proper English, like, how to lawd it op - cause I spent a life-lang tryna type it oat an' I didna naa how ta use it!!!
    Saw, print out how to load it up in basic English, atherwise I'm ganna cam round there an' stitch yez all, reet?
Daniel 'Geordie' Crowe
Whitley Bay, Tyne an'
Wear

It's quait simple, an ah divvun kna what all yer fuss is aboot, Daniel man. Yer taip in the listings, raight, an then yer press doan on tha RUN key an tha ENTA key an then yer plays yer game tape from tha beginning. Quait simple, man pet, quait simple. Ed

SAVE ME
One luverly Saturday morning I leapt out of bed to discover that my dad had brought me the latest issue of YS (June '88), and on page 93 in Program Pitstop I saw a mega-hip text scroller. So, I switched my +3 (which I'm not proud of) into 48K mode and typed in this somewhat brilliant demo. Everything went fine, the scrolling was ace, but then I discovered that my wretched +3 wouldn't save the proggie to tape.
    I know I have the correct lead and data recorder, and they load tapes perfectly, but they won't save!!
    Seeing as the scroller demo wouldn't work in +3 Basic, and I couldn't save it to tape, you can tell I was quite peeved. Please tell me what to do before my +3 experiences 'flying out of a window and hitting a poor innocent homo-sapien on the bonce' mode. I'm thoroughly cheesed orf!
Ronni Stirling
Ruchill, Glasgow

Tsk tsk, these blimmin' +3's. Right. Something I have found which seems to work on the YS +3 is a two into one (two female into one male) adaptor. Stick it into the tape/sound hole of the computer and have two leads coming out, one to the MIC and one to the EAR sockets of the recorder. It might work on your +3 as well, but don't hold your breath. Ed

EASY PEASY WEASY
On Saturday morning I found, much to my utmost joy, my long overdue copy of Operation Wolf in the letterbox. After loading it up I was impressed with the cool graphics, sound effects, music, playability (in other words I quite liked it), but l have one small complaint. Why did the YS crew say it was really hard, when actually it's extremely easy (I hear cries of 'Ah, so that's why he's writing - he's trying to impress us with his skill' - and you would be right). For not only did I complete it after only 30 games, but I did it without using the 'continue option'. If anyone has completed the game in less than two hours of playing time and beaten my score of 4,960,578 then I reckon they're lying. Oh, and I think your glasses are really brilliant.
Angus Stewart
Co. Tyrone, N. Ireland

You should see my beakers and mugs! Ed

FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT
I've just been reading through your magazine for the thirty-seventh time. It's true. I'm not joking. Your mag's a knockout.
    Please could you tell me how to subscribe, because I have got to get more copies. By the way, if you have any large Vindicator posters (or small, I'm not fussy) lying around, please send me one (or more). Thanks in advance and keep up the fine work.
Grubbs Ravimbo Ndanga
Peterhouse, Marondera
PS. Shucks! You're georgous!

If you have a look through for the 38th time you might notice a page titled Contents. Go through the sub-headings until you come to YS Offers, and you'll spot the words 'YS Subscriptions' followed by a page number. Guess what you'll find if you turn to the indicated page? No, not a pop out model of the Tal Mahal, but a subscription coupon. Happy? Ed PS. You're not so bad yourself.

TRAINSPOTTER AWARD TAKE THE TRAIN I claim the ultimate Trainspotter Award. I bought a copy of the December YS, but when I began to read it I realised that I had mistakenly bought Railways Today, and that there were literally hundreds of trains to spot - all thanks to YS. Andy Lowe Stoke-On-Trent To help you get kitted out I'm going to send you copies of Which Parka, Opticians Monthly and Shoulder Bag Update Magazine. Ed PICK 'N' MIX I think I should get a Trainspotter Award because on page seven, issue 36 (the one with the two free tapes) at the compo bit where you can win 43801 chewits, it says that the Muncher is Shane McGowan and Shane McGowan is the Muncher, when really Shane McGowan should be Shane McGowan and the Muncher should be the Muncher.     You see?     And on page five (same issue) under the games column it says that YS Tipshop is on page 20. It isn't. It's on page 26.     And on page 108 (same issue again), in the list of £1.99 and £2.99 games, it says Manic Minor, when it should say Manic Miner.     And (same page) it reads Funky instead of Flunky So, after all that I think I should get a Trainspotter Award.     Don't you? Fiona Robertson B/Ferry, Dundee No, no, no, you've got it all wrong. The mix-up of the names was deliberate, and intended as a joke - the 'fun' being derived from the fact that Shane McGowan so resembles The Muncher that the captions were 'accidentally' juxtaposed. On your second point, er, yes, a mistake - as with the third and as for the fourth, I was listening to Ain't No Stopping Us Now by McFadden and Whitehead at the time of typing, so I've got an excuse. Normally I might give you a Trainspotter, but seeing as you were such a clot on point one, I'm not going to. Ed THINK OF A NUMBER I am claiming a Trainspotter Award because you lot at YS can't count. In the December ish contents it said that page 117 would reveal what was in next month's YS. I turned to page 117 and surprise, surprise the heading Show Stoppers hit me in the face - Next Month In YS was on page 119. So, someone at YS can't count. Tut tut, didn't you ever go to school? Robert Marsh Impington, Cambridge You've discovered my secret - I was involved in an aeroplane crash as a baby, and was raised in the jungle by apes. I may not have learnt to count very well, but I can strip the bark off a bunga-wunga tree with my bare teeth. Ed

TELLING TALES
Here's a little poem:
    YS is a mag that is really the greatest,
    It reviews arcades and games (which are, of,course, the latest),
    The articles are intelligent, though not stuck up or posh,
    I would get a subscription, but I haven't got the dosh!
    I've just had a brilliant idea. Why not have a short stories section in YS? Readers could send in their efforts and you could print the best ones, and send the writer a game or something. Brilliant eh? By the way, I don't like to tell tales, but I was flicking through the November issue of Computing With The Amstrad PCW (Why? Ed.) when my eyes felt upon an article entitled Back Chat. A quick glance revealed that it was written by YS's very own Mike Gerrard. 'Well shiver me timbers' I thought, and read on. A jolly interesting article it was too, until I began to notice some terrible, nasty, evil bits. Such as the bit where he suggests that you, oh great one, lost a copy of one of his reviews, and he had to send you another one!! Like I said, I don't like to tell tales.
Ross McGovern
Killearn, Glasgow

Hello, is that the operator? Get me Mike Gerrard immediately Ed

BEERMAT QUERY
Could you please tell me where I could get my hands on a rubber keyed 48K Spectrum? The reason I need one is because I borrowed one but I've broken it (good, eh?) and I would like to replace it before the owner finds out and chokes me to death.
    Things are getting urgent.
John McMurchy
Drumlemble, Argyll

Simple. Check out Input Output. Problem solved, as they say Ed.

DAFT PLONKER
Have you found that all the writers of Star Letters are complete idiots?
    They tend to be the kind of people who have had a computer for five years and have only just discovered how to switch the thing on. Basically they're a bunch of daft plonkers!
Chris Hubbard
Kings Lynn, Norfolk

Your ruse hasn't worked. You thought I'd give you the Star Letter and then agree that you're a daft plonker (netting you three games in the process). By not giving you the Star Letter I can call you a daft plonker for the far smaller price of a badge. Ha ha. Ed

CHEESED OFF AND YAMATO
Well, not all your readers are locals. I get a subscription to your great mag all the way out here in Zimbabwe. For those who don't know where it is, it's an African country emerging from the dark ages. Luckily we have electricity here, and taking advantage of this fact I got myself a Speccy and a collection of ancient games. I think YS is doing a great job by catering for us foreign readers - most British magazines have 'For readers in the UK and Ireland only' printed on their subscription forms. Your free cover-games are brilliant, but let's have an adventure game in the future.
    While looking through your November issue I came to page 114 where I found an advert for the game 1943 - but the blurb is slightly wrong. It states that your mission is to destroy the Japanese carrier Yamato. There was no such ship. The Yamato was a Japanese Battleship (the largest ever built in fact). Also it was not involved in the Battle of Midway and was sunk much later in WWII. For all the sharp-shooters this may mean nothing, but for us military history lovers it's really annoying. Does this observation deserve me a Trainspotter Award?
Yan Hards
Harare, Zimbabwe

No it doesn't deserve you a Trainspotter Award, as it wasn't our mistake - it was on an advert. However, I might send you two badges for being so knowledgable and observant - I'll just flick a coin. Heads you get two badges, tails you just get one. Flick. Oh dear, it's tails. Ed

BIG TIPS
Yo!
    1) My friend and I have been wondering how your name is pronounced. He says it's pronounced T'zer and I say it's T'zer. Who is correct?
    2) Is Mr Happy any relation of Smiley?
    3) Here is my tip for Vixen. In level one don't shoot anything until your time is nearly up - then waste everything you lay your eyes on. As your timer reaches zero hold down keys A S D Q Z F N and O simultaneously. It will ask you for a password. Type in 'Cor Big Breasts' and you will get 10,000 points and 240 extra lives. (This will only work on the 'brown tape' copies with the embossed logo.)
    4) Please send me a signed photo of 'the team' (or a copy of Twinkle).
RSH
Bromborough, Wirral

1) You're both wrong - it's pronounced T'zer.
    2) No, but he's the second cousin thrice removed of Mr Vaguely Amused.
    3) Oo-er.
    4) How about a photo of a signed copy of Twinkle? - twice the fun. Ed
    

SMALL PRINT I couldn't find a shop that sold yellow Tippex. Russ Williams Cleveland For my money you can't beat The Tippex Galore Store in Cheam. Ed Test for two dimensional constructional apraxia. Nell Banks St Helens, Merseyside I haven't got the right equipment (Oo-er). Ed I'm prepared to send you a pizza free. Mauriezo Gallina Milan, Italy Anchovy and banana please. Ed I'm cream crackered - it's 12.30 am and I can't find my glasses. Goodnight. Merlin Waiverhampton, West Midlands Goodnight John Boy (Mary Ellen, Jason, Aaron...). Ed I'm getting pretty bored writing all this crap. Dale Norman Driffield, North Humberside Not half as bored as I got reading it. Ed Please send a plaster for the blister on my trigger finger. Martin Thomas Milford Maven, Dyfed I'll sellotape it to the badge. Ed

KINDLY LEAVE THE STAGE This months crap joke from Stanley Bajak of Croydon, is so crap that we almost changed the head to Kindly Leave The Planet. Here it is..          IN A PUB     BLOKE 1 TO BARTENDER: A pint of lager for me, and a pint of bitter for my pal Donkey.     BARTENDER TO BLOKE 2: How come your mate calls you Donkey?     BLOKE 2: Eee aww, eee aww, eee aalways says that.

OOH, YOU POOR DEAR Your problems solved by Madam Pico     Dear Madam Pico,     A few weeks ago I was at the local youth club disco with my best mate Jonathan and we got talking to this girl called Chelle we'd both fancied for ages. We both danced with her and she said she liked us both, so we agreed to take it in turns going out with her. This worked out fine for a week or two, until she told me that she preferred me and didn't really want to go out with Jonathan anymore. Unfortunately Jonathan had told me in confidence that he had fallen in love with her, so I told her to pretend to chuck us both, but that I would continue seeing her in secret.     Everything went fine until one day I was watching Neighhours round at Chelle's house (her parents were out) when there was a loud knocking at the door, and squinting through the net curtains I saw it was Jonathan. I turned off the telly, told Chelle to keep quiet and pretend that no one was in, but about a minute later Jonathan shouted through the letter-box that he knew I was there because my bicycle was outside. We still pretended not to be in, and eventually he went away; so me and Chelle continued where we'd left off.     However, when the time came for me to leave, I stepped out of her front door and, much to my horror, saw that my bike had gone. Jonathan had nicked it, and he says that he won't tell me where he's hidden it until I chuck Chelle. The problem is that I quite want to carry on seeing her, but I really do want my bicycle back - it's a Peugeot 20 gear racing bike. What on earth can I do? Chelle wants me to fight him, but he's bigger than me and his brothers are really tough.     Please help. Philip Green Hull Ob dear, you are in a fix, aren't you? If you pretend to chuck Cbelle, Jonathan's bound to be suspicious and it'll only be a matter of time before be discovers the truth and steals your bike again, or even gets his brothers to give you the bashing of a lifetime. The two options open to you seem to be to either get a gang together, and beat up Jonathan and his brothers, or to chuck Chelle. Chucking Chelle would seem to be the quickest way of getting your bike back, and you'll also avoid the beginnings of a small scale gang warfare. So chuck Chelle, dear, but let this be a lesson not to share your girlfriends in future.

Doodlebugs

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