PROBLEMS POKING
I was eagerly awaiting the October issue of YS because of part IV of Smash Tips. The one on Short Circuit was great - it helped me cheat my way through to the end of the game, but I tried the hack on Super Robin Hood and it doesn't work. The lines do MERGE into the program, but the screen doesn't load up - am I doing something wrong? I have a +3, type the lines in 48K mode then MERGE "" then play the tape - the screen stays black and when I run it, it just gives me a listing of the program with the lines MERGEd in. Can you help?
    Also, what's with Dustin? He won't fight guards or other prisoners - he walks right through them. Firing or selecting objects brings absolutely no response. He just walks about and does nothing. Is it the tape or is it me?
(Mrs) C. Edgar
Ousden, Newmarket

I'm afraid it's you on both counts. Put Super Robin Hood in your cassette player, type MERGE "" and play the tape. Within a few seconds you will see a bit of basic pop on the screen. STOP THE TAPE. Now type in the POKE lines, press RUN and ENTER and start the tape again. As regards Dustin, have a look in Frontlines in issue 35. How about that for ESP. Ed

THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE YOU AWAY
Darling T'zer, I'll bet you're a right one (ouch). Anyway, back to business. Can you please help a poor unfortunate soul? (Well, a 32-year-old one who cannot for the life of him come to grips with one of his daughter's Spectrum games). Do you know where I can get my hands on a map of Sabrewulf? I'm afraid it's taking over my life. I'm even growing orchids and breeding demons in my cellar. My wife is threatening me with divorce proceedings due to my addiction and my children can't remember my name as they never see me until it's their bedtime when I have to vacate their bedroom to let them sleep.
    I am writing this letter at work as I cannot waste any time at home due to my chronic problem. I must have a copy of a map before I am carted away to the funny farm. I can't complete more than 65% of the game and it's driving me crazy. You are my last hope. Can you please, please, please supply my missing link, or tell me where I can obtain one?
Mike Rhind
Kincorth, Aberdeen

Oh dear, you have got a bit of a problem haven't you? And it looks as if the men in white coats are going to be knocking at your door any day now - owing to the fact that I can't find the map you need anywhere, nor do I know where you can get one. Have you tried mapping the game yourself? I'll say it's the only way you're going to keep yourself out of the Fruit And Nut Factory, or maybe other readers could help - how about it? Ed

THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF SPECCY Every month we invite readers from around the planet to write in about anything they happen to have on their minds. A couple of slightly bemused minds this month, in fact. (And no, we don't make them up). I am Polish boy.     Please send catalogue Your 64.     Wish to score a success.     Thank you very moch Lukasz Lysak Ustka, Poland Er, wish to score a success too. Erm.... Ed Dear Sir! Please send me the catalogue and emblems which are my a hobby. I am school boy. Had 15 years. Thank you for this courtesy. Jaroslaw Ostrowski Hajnowka, Bialostockle, Poland Um I think nothing of it. Errm.... Ed

SPANISH KEY CAPERS
May I, Howard Richardson, be the 29,000,032nd person to point out the bug in Dustin? It goes like this:
    As Dustin was originally a Spanish game by Dinamic, I fear that the translators missed out a vital point. After the game has ended you get asked 'Another Game?' (Y/N). However, even attacking the 'Y' key with a rolled-up copy of YS proved fruitless, this being that the 'S' button was the right one.
    Because it was originally a Spanish game, S for Si (Spanish for yes) has been programmed in and hadn't been changed to a Y during translation. Got that?
    Good.
Howard 'The Aardvark'
Richardson
Dereham, Norfolk

Si, si, ya lo sabemos, sabelotodo. Ed

STAR LETTER THE FLYING KIWI We folk down in Kiwiland noticed that in the September YS you printed the 'top five Neighbours catchphrases' - favourite lines from that barbequeued Aussie soap. Well, you got the catchphrases right, but dear oh dear - who cut out the wrong piccie from the TV guide? The guy on the left (Peter O'Brien) is from the series, but his partner in the photos is in fact a Kiwi (funny - she looks like a human to me. Ed) called Rebecca Gibney who has never appeared in Neighbours.     However, these two actors do appear together in another soap - The Flying Doctors (the highest rating programme in NZ apart from the news). So, guys and girls - you printed the wrong photo. James Croot Maori Hill, Dunedin, NZ But you've got to admit, she looks more like Kylie Minogue than Kylie Minogue herself. Still, here's a picture of the real Kylie, if it makes you feel any better (which it probably won't). Ed

YOU CANNOT BE SIRIUS
On issue 30 you gave away a free game called People From Sirius. The game was great and very addictive, but there was one thing wrong with it: the name. Sirius just happens to be a blue-hot star, and therefore I find it very hard to believe that people would live there.
Yotum Ben-Ami
Madrid, Spain

Well, Madrid is pretty hot too, and I find it hard to believe that anyone could live there - but they obviously do. So don't jump to conclusions. Ed

THINK OF A NUMBER
Your correspondent Roger King (YS November) refers to 'half of an infinite number of monkeys', 'half of an infinite number of typewriters' and 'twice as long as infinity'.
    Might I be permitted to point out that infinity divided or multiplied by any finite number gives infinity, since infinity - by definition not finite - cannot be regarded as obeying the normal rules of finite arithmetic.
    Terminology in the vein of 'half of infinity' is therefore misleading, since half of infinity is equal to infinity itself.
G.W. Johnston
Comber, Co. Down

Fair enough - pretty watertight - but you seem to have overlooked Hawking's Cyclic Retraction Theory, in which infinity can be segmented and reallocated to multi-dimensional space. Ed

KWAH FNURF
I'll get straight to the point. What the hell does 'fnar' mean? Before you tell me, I have tried, by picking up slender pieces of evidence here and there, to give my own possible definitions:
    (1) Fnar means 'Oo-er', that last word has a bit of a double meaning, doesn't it now?'
    (2) Fnar means 'chortle, chortle, guffaw etc'. i.e. Is a stifled giggle/laugh reserved for jokes with a certain degree of crudity.
    (3) Fnar means 'that's got possibilities for being incredibly rude, that last phrase, hasn't it?'
    Anyway, which is right, or are they all completely wrong?
Tom Soper
Marston, Oxford

Well, you've certainly put your finger on it (fnar), but I'd better go now, because I don't want to hold you any longer (kwak). Ed

A LEVEL HEAD
I am an A-level English Language student, and for my project I have decided to compare the use of English in various magazines. I am particularly interested in the style of YS writers, i.e. What audience they are aiming at, to what extent words are deliberately misspelt and whether writers are encouraged to invent new words (e.g. 'plattie' for platform games etc)?
    In terms of respectability and seriousness, how do you compare yourselves with your rivals? Also do you ever feel the necessity to follow the trends of other magazines (not only rivals, but popular music mags etc).
Richard Loyle
Formby, Liverpool

Wot are you talking about, we never delliberatly misspell words, and as for inventing phrases, well, you must be a bit slippy in the head. On the 'following trends' front, well there's nothing wrong with a healthy interchange of ideas (everywhere does it in all walks of life, it's called progress) - but we like to think we're the leaders rather than the sheep. Ed

TRAINSPOTTER AWARD IN A RAP While I was looking through the mega-ace letters pages in the November issue of YS, I noticed a mistake in the Kindly Leave The Stage section, as follows...     Q: What do you call a fly with no legs?     A: A walk.     Of course this is completely wrong because a fly with no legs can't walk. I think you meant to say this:     Q: What do you call a fly with no wings?     A: A walk     Now. Send me a trainspotter award pronto. Alan Higginson Arksey, Doncaster The person responsible has been fly-papered to a can of insect repellent - and a trainspotter award will be 'winging' its way to you in due course. Ed DOT DOT DASH DASH Message start.     Have spotted cock up in Street Life (November issue) STOP Appeared in comics chart STOP Hellblazer at no. 4 only came out last year, so how comes it is on its 115th issue when comic is monthly STOP V for Vendetta at no. 3 has just come out - it is a 10 part maxi series, so where did part 44 spring from STOP Comic Odessy at no. 2 is also a mini series - it only has 4 issues, so where did no. 13 materialise from STOP Swamp Thing at no. 5 has only reached into its 80's - so where did issue 796 grow from STOP Will expect trainspotter award soon STOP     Mesage end Khalid Jamil Dollis Hill, London Issue numbers gone haywire STOP Pay no attention STOP Buy comics and look on the covers for further details STOP Trainspotter award in the post STOP Believe that and you'll swallow anything STOP Ed DO NOT DESPISE THE DRAGON Being a bit of a ninja myself I instantly spotted the mistake on page 67 (issue 33). My favourite weapon, the shuriken, is spelt two different ways - shuriken and shiruken. Get your act together geeks, or you'll get a 'choko suki' in the mouth Ronnie Sweeney Longmorn, Elgin Just try it and I'll deliver you on Uku Dashi (a 'throw-out') quicker than you can say Emperor Hirohito. We'll try to get a trainspotter off to you - if we can get it past the Samurai warriors at the end of Rathbone Place. Ed NUMBER CRUNCHER I am claiming a trainspotter award because my incredibly keen eye (hint hint) has spotted one of your rare mistakes (nudge nudge). In part two of Smash Tips, page 31, the 1942 multiface POKE is completely and utterly wrong apart from the 0 at the end (fnar). You put 47007,0 when what it really is is 52472,0. So everybody cross it out and put in mine. Okay? Ben Dickson Wotton-under-Edge, Gloucestershire If everyone does as you say, then you realise you will actually think so - so you can't have a trainspotter award. Ed

NARKY NARKY
Okay you lot - this time I'm really narked. The October cover (bleeeeugh though it was) was of Double Dragon. It's on the cover so it must be the most important thing in the magazine. Yup, there it is, mega-previewed on pages 22 and 23 - purple paper, big captions, screenshots, special tip-boxes and arcade comment. WHY???
    'The atmosphere of the graphics from the coin-op has switched well from the big machine to the Spectrum' writes 'Ronald' MacDonald. The graphics are useless! They make the sprites in the original Renegade conversion look like they're from an Amiga. If D.D. is so great and deserves all this space then why oh why did you put the inlay for Dustin on page 21 so we have to mutilate the preview of this 'amazing' game? As for the cover - you deserve all the complaints you get - it is disgusting.
    Despite all this, you're still the best magazine known to weirdos like me.
Richard Bennett
Welwyn Garden City,
Herts
PS. Dear Claire Terry (Small Print, March), Dweezil Zappa is Frank Zappa's son. His daughter is called Moon Unit. Tis true.

What Duncan said was 'the atmosphere of the graphics has switched well..' - we all have to lose colour and a certain amount of detail in a conversion from such a powerful machine. Okay, so you don't think the graphics look as good as in Renegade, but don't forget we're talking about a preview, not a review: which means the game hadn't been totally completed. And don't forget also, it's gameplay that packs the final punch - so hold tight and wait for the review - you might be wrong. Ed

SWEET AS SUGAR
I am 15 years old and I own an Amstrad CPC 464. Although I own an Amstrad I buy Your Sinclair because I think it's fantastic - great reviews, great tip-shop, great adventure section and brilliant compos. Just thought I'd let you know.
Shane Hingerton
Westport, Co. Mayo

Shame your impeccable reading taste isn't matched by your choice of computer really, innit? Ed.

THE SOUND OF MUSIC
Please could you tell me where I could get some more information about the sound capabilities of the Spectrum +2. Are there any books about it? And if so where can I get them?
Sean Groat
Kirkwell, Orkney

I don't know of any books specifically about the +2 sound capabilities, but there are quite a few about the machine in general - and they should all carry at least a chapter on the subject of music. Your best bet is to shop around in a bookshop with a good computer section. Ed

SPOOK
I am sadly saying goodbye to your mag for a whole year. This event was sadly unavoidable, and I am very sorry. I will miss your free games, your wit and your charm. I just thought I would inform you of my impending departure.
Stephen Proctor
Bilbrook, Wolverhampton

Crikey. What on earth's happening? Are you going away 'at her majesty's pleasure', leaving the country or what?? You could have been a bit more forthcoming - I might not be able to get to sleep tonight! Ed

STAND BY ME
Whilst wandering about the PC show I happened to stumble across a jolly looking bunch bopping away behind a counter. Strange, methinks, how anyone can be so cheerful in the hot and humid atmosphere of Earls Court with thousands of screaming kids scrambling for freebies.
    As the dust died down slightly my eyes fixed upon a large red sign, Your Sinclair of course. Who else could keep up their spirits in such a hostile surrounding. Take a look at the enclosed piccie. See what I mean? Mind you, the pig doesn't look too chuffed, does he.

Mark Edgington
Bridgnorth, Shropshire

Neither would you if you'd just been creamed in the boat-race by Pete Shaw! Ed
    

SMALL PRINT The Operation Wolf machine is so big I can't even see the Uzi, let alone fire it! The Psychotic Skateboarder Rhyl, Clwyd With a nickname like that, it's probably a good thing. Ed I'm sorry for the bad writing, but I'm not so good in English, but I'm sure you can't speak a word in Greece. George 'Vauxhall' Kavalleros Rhodes, Greece I don't know about that - cover me in lard and I'll chirp away for hours. Ed Sorry about the grease stains and bad writing, but I was eating a bacon sarnie at the time and was also in a hurry. Richard Sheppard Winchmore Hill, London You dropped some ketchup in the envelope as well. Ed What colour are your eyes? I'll have to dye mine if they don't match. Chris Pieri Sheppey, Kent Purple with green spots. Send me a photo. Ed Me say 'Buzz off T'zer' J Dunham Cascais, Portugal Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Ed My name's Adrian and my mum's a blue whale. Ade Brighton, Sussex Anything you say... Ed

    

COME ON DOWN... Every month we ask you (or we're going to from this month, anyway) to write in and tell us about your favourite quiz show host. To get you in the mood, we're going to start the boll rolling with Derek Hobson, currently hosting the afternoon show That's My Dog:     Hello, my name's Derek Hobson, and welcome to That's My Dog - the canine quiz show with a bark as good as its bite (applause, laughter), no no, please, please. Anyway, without further ado I'll 'lead' you to today's contestants (laughter, applause), no no, please, please. And here they are, the two lucky dogs whose owners stand to win today's jackpot of eight pounds (applause), yes EIGHT pounds (more applause). Over here we have Corky, the Bull Terrier, and he's brought with him the Vague family from Dorking - test your buzzer please, Mrs Vague and over here we have Patch, a hatch-patch of various unknown breeds - and Patch has brought his owners, the Coma family from Bedford. Test your buzzer please, Mrs Coma. No, not the glass of water. And now let me introduce Louise Burton, our lovely 'Kennel Maid' (loads of applause and laughter). No no, please please. Anyway - let's start the questions. What do you call a dog's 'foot'?... No?... No? ... Oh well, it's called a 'paw'. Righto, let's try another. What does a dog do with its tail when it's very excited? No? ... No takers? Oh well, the answer is 'wag'. It 'wags' its tail. Oh dear, it's time for the advert break, but we'll be back in two minutes. Don't go away... Staaayyyy (laughter and applause followed by the sound of a nation's TV sets being switched off). Derek Hobson has also hosted New Faces and a chat show called Hobson's Choice.

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