SOOTHSAYER?
I am very angry about the covers of your magazine. They have become more and more lurid every month. My son is 11 and I am going to stop him getting YS on subscription as there is too much emphasis on violence (page 18, June issue) and a blatantly sexy picture on page four. What are you going to do about this as a responsible editor? Do you want our children fed on a diet of sex and violence? Your artist is getting carried away and the June cover of Psycho Pig is utterly revolting. I shall also be complaining to the advertising standards authority.
Mrs R. Sayer

Blatantly sexy picture on page four??? Surely you can't mean that adorable little rodent, Mickey Mouse? Perhaps you mean page six, and if you do we certainly owe you an apology. That piccie of Bob Holness was a bit extreme - even for us! Ed

EWE WHAT?
I would like to put the record straight about the RAM in the 48K Spectrum.
    The maximum amount of RAM in the 48K is 49152 bytes. This does not equal 48000 I hear you say... If you divide 49152 by 1024 (which is exactly 1K), hey presto, you get the answer 48!!! So now you know why Clive Sinclair called the 48K Spectrum a 48K Spectrum.
Andrew West
Newton Abbot

Okay clever clogs. Why did he call the C5 the C5 ? Ed

WORRA TACKLE
Today I bought Target Renegade, loaded it up and started to play. I managed to reach the second level and then I died. I was that mad that I smashed my hands on the right hand side of my +3.
    Suddenly I had all my lives back, and was back on level two. Eventually I reached the last level where I was shaken to death by a large man, but I was awarded more lives.
    Well.... is this a poke?
Darren Godfrey
Rugby, Warks

No, but it's quite funny though! It's the way I tell 'em! Ed

THE STYLESTICKS
I like your style. Who makes up the titles for the competitions? Do you just cut up a lot of magazines and throw the pieces at a wet desk and print what sticks?
Kathleen McHale
Normanton, West
Yorkshire

Those heads take hours to come up with, I can tell you. We spend ages cutting up the mags and use gallons of water. And you should see the size of the desk! Ed

PRICELESS
I just wrote to point out that the bods at Gremlin obviously overlooked the fact that Northstar is actually an industrial estate in Swindon, and not an abandoned orbiting space station as they would have us believe.
Thomas Price
Exmouth, Devon

You'll be telling us next that the Magic Knight isn't a hero with special powers born of a land of fantasy, but a British Rail ticket collector at Swansea! Ed

IT'S A MYSTERY
So who thought a Speccy was perfect in every way? Type this in first.
    10 PRINT "Any old trash"
    20 GOTO 10
    Now type in RUN and when it gets to the point of saying SCROLL?, press Caps-Lock and pow!... It prints the last thing you typed! But still there is no end; type in anything else (try Enter - weird) and you have a screen full of trash.
    Explain that then! What the heck is it?
L. Geary
Walsall, W. Midlands

Well I'm jiggered if I know! Does anybody out there know what's going on? Sounds like a load of old garbage to me! Ed

MAD DOGS AND ENGLISHMEN
The sun rises as the cumbersome craft streaks across the sky. The occupant - Colonel Sledger McCoy of the E.D.F.
Martin 'Mad-Dog' Lawless
E.D.F. Information Inc.
Bury, Lancs

Are you the real McCoy? You know, the one who travelled on the very famous spaceship, The Starship Enterprise? If so, that's highly illogical, 'cos he's dead, Jim! Ed

THREE OF A KIND
I get your mag every month from the shop (and will be subscribing soon), and I enjoy it greatly, but I do have a criticism which led me to write this letter.
    I own a totally wazzy +3 and prefer to buy games on disk as so many things go wrong with tapes, but your mag does not cater for us +3 users. When I want to buy a game I refer back to YS to help me choose, but l don't know from your reviews whether the game is on disk and if so how much it costs. So PLEASE could you list the disk price along with the tape price at the top of your reviews, and if there isn't a disk version then say so!
    Apart from that, keep up the good work and I will remain a regular purchaser of your brill meg.
Nell Kingham
South Woodford

Usually we do mention if the game's on disk and how much it costs. Sometimes though the companies producing the games haven't yet decided whether a particular title will be on disk or how much it will cost. But rest assured that from now on we will endeavour to put all +3 details in the review. Happy now? Ed

STAR LETTER THE GBOOD, THE BGAD AND THE UGLY I have noticed a strange word which appears on your letters page often. The word is '(fnar)'. What does this mean?, I puzzled. After some time I came to the conclusion that (a) I am old and out of touch, and (b) that it means neither near nor far, i.e. 'It is fnar to the shop' would mean 'It is not far to the shop, nor is the shop near.'     Further reading of your June issue Letters Page gave me rather a bgad (neither bad nor good) idea. It would be a gbood (neither good nor bad), idea if your magazine set aside a page devoted to your oyld (neither old nor young), readers.     The Oyld Page could possibly contain reminiscences of days gone by - old Bisto adverts, thrupenny bits, ten-bob notes and Jack Wild.     I would be willing to be appointed Ed of the Oyld Page and my credentials are as follows: bags under eyes, the odd grey strand of hair and this letter (a token of my journalistic talents). I have numerous ideas for the Oyld Page and await your cheque before sending you my first article. Mrs. M. Inman Luton, Beds A page for senior citizens? No thanks. You lot can just stick to blocking the aisles of buses with your carrier bags and complaining about the price of stamps. Besides if we do need an oldie on the staff then the new dep Ed is more than qualified. Ed

STREETS AHEAD
I'm writing to point out but three things:
    1. When I bought last month's mag I was so upset that you didn't print my letter thanking you for sending me those brill badges, so I hope you'll print this one.
    2. In last month's mag (again), I was doing the prize crossword on page 88 (Pete's Puzzlers) when I noticed something wrong. Next to 20 across should be another word down, but there's no number on it!
    3. Looking at your picture at the top of the letters page I gasped in amazement at the resemblance between you and Janet Street-Porter!
    Just take a butchers at the two piccies!
Rosaria Di Natale
London, SW4
PS I love that cartoon shcp called Monty & Chums about the potatoes.

How dare you! I look nothing like Janet Street-Porter! She's got long hair! And yes we know there was a mistake in Pete's Puzzlers - as punishment Peter will be taking the starring role as a potato in the next Monty & Chums cartoon! Ed

DARLING, DARLING...
I love you. I have fallen so much in love with you that I take my YS to bed with me. Anyway, back to the point: I have compiled a chart of your cover-mounted games.
    
    Road Race - Not bad - 6
    Batty - Brillo. Superb. Worra game - 10
    Play For Your Life - Worra naffo game - 2
    Moley Christmas - Brill! Roll on the next Mole game - 10
    Blind Panic - Superb value for 50p - 8
    People From Sirius - Superb grab and blast - 10
    
    Keep up the good work at the YS offices.
John Lomax
Darlington, Co. Durham

Thanks for the chart, though I think you've been a bit harsh on Play For Your Life. Anyway, I'll forgive you - I can forgive anybody who says they love me. Ed

TRAINSPOTTER AWARD MOUSETAKEN IDENTITY I hereby claim a Trainspotter Award for spotting no fewer than four mistakes in the June 1988 issue of Your Sinclair, which are:     1 ) p.88 Pete Shaw's Prize Kwizword - There are two unnumbered words in the grid that have no clues to them! If Pete Shaw improves on this in the July issue, somebody should give him the prize.     2) p.47 & p.63 The screenshots from Sophistry and Rastan have been printed on the wrong page!     3) p. 106 Backstabbin' - The header contains the name Zaza Gabor. Surely you mean Zsa Zsa Gabor? Zaza was a character from the BBC-TV series Hector's House!     4) p.58 Mickey Review - The first cartoon that Mickey Mouse appeared in was called Plane Crazy (1928 silent), and not Steamboat Willie ( 1928 sound) as suggested. This only goes to prove what I've said all along - Marcus Berkmann is Goofy!     There! I don't think anyone else can qualify more for a Trainspotter's Award! Kevin McCarthy Croydon, Surrey Oh, what a silly old Hector Marcus is - it was all his fault. I'll Kiki him up and down the office for that - or maybe I'll just kick him out. Ed OOOOOOOH, MISTAKE I'm writing to you about your guff up. It's not that often that this brill mag makes a mistake, but in your review of Sophistry and Rastan you got the piccies the wrong way round. Please give me a Trainspotter Award. I have enclosed Ioadsa money. Darren Powell Folkestone, Kent Who says money can't buy you everything? Even though about 1,000,000 billion people have already written in and said exactly the same thing. Your trainspotter award has been delayed due to points failure at Clapham Junction. Ed

TAKE MY BREATH AWAY!
Strewth! Who's the gorgeous gal sittin' beside the pissed elf in May's Megacompo? Tell her I'll take her for a spin in my F 14 any day!
    Fornit some Fornus
Tom Cruise
PS If you print this, donate my badge (or the 4.5p money equivalant), to the USAF Fighter school, Mirimar, California. Ta!
PPS Did you know that ants have discos?!

Jackie (the gorgeous gall should've been pleased, but it's obvious you wouldn't know a gorgeous gal if she came up and hit you in the face with a wet monkfish! There were no elves in the pic - what's the matter with your eyes? Ed

THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF SPECCY Every month we invite readers of an international flavour to write in and have the mick taken out of them! I was reading the June issue of YS and I come up to the page 13 letters page. 'Aaah, The Wonderful World Of Speccy' Wassis? Oh my! An insult to the overseas readers! Did you know that quite few people in Poland can English? Even their alphabets are different, like this: %,(c),*,<>,+, and so on. Don't be cruel, please. Sami Vuokila Tornio, Finland PS The Wonderful World Of Speccy sure gave me some giigle! It wasn't meant to be cruel at all - merely as you say, 'a giigle.' Personally I admire everybody who attempts to learn English, 'cos it's more than most of us do! Ed

ADAM'S APPLE
Please can I have a copy of On The Warpath. I think that war is not necessary in real life, but l like playing war with pretend guns.
Adam Peck (age 8)
Leeds

I don't quite know what you mean. Of course you can have On The Warpath, as long as it's in the issue. Look out for the new look On The Warpath in the next few months too! Ed

WHOOPSY DAISY
10 PRINT "Crash! Bang!"
    20 PRINT "What's wrong dear?"
    30 PRINT "Nothing mum I'm just beating up my new +3 after Elite, Starglider, Sidewize, Bubble Bobble, and Platoon 128K have failed to load on tape again (although all my other games work)."
    40 PRINT "Well write to those nice people at YS then. I'm sure they can help."
    50 PRINT "Good idea mum!"
    60 LET YS help me: STOP
    70 GOTO 10
David Vestey
Yatton, Avon

10 PRINT "Ta for your letter"
    20 PRINT "I've no idea why your games won't load, ask Phil."
    GOSUB 30
    30 PRINT "Send the games..."
    40 PRINT "back to the manufacturers"
    50 PRINT "Hope that's okay?" Ed

IT'S A STICK UP!
I would like to congratulate you on making covers and tape stickers that don't rip while removing the sellatape.
Chris Pieri
Steppey, Kent
PS We all luv ya!

The only thing we hope you're glued to is YS! Ed

HATSTANDS UNITE
I'm writing to complain about the bad press us hatstands are getting. If it wasn't bad enough having cloakrooms replacing us, you have to start using our names as insults. Personally if l don't like someone, I call them a book-end, and that really yibbles them, I can tell you.
    A couple more points: How come Commodore produce the Amiga and Sinclair produce the ZX-81? And how come every time I see the Letters page T'zer's got a great big zit on her face? And why are the page numbers never right in the contents? And why is Small Print called Small Print when it's the same print size as the letters?
    On that mind-boggling question I'll leave you with a threat: Print this or I'll send you my ZX-81.
Neil 'Hatstand' Stewart
Glasgow
PS Give the games to my friend, 'cos I own a Commodore.
PPS How can a hatstand write?

Too many questions! Why are marshmallows fluffy? Why don't crocodiles cry? Why are hatstands the book-end of everybody's jokes? Why is YS? Ed
    PS What are you doing writing to us then?
    PPS With a pen!
    

SMALL PRINT Could we have a picture of Schwarzenegger in his underwear next time? Susan Van Der Hyders (feminist) Amsterdam, Holland We might have a picture of him in someone else's underwear. Ed Does Marcus really feature in the Daily Mail on odd occasions, or is it another Berk with the same name? James Hercule Poirot eat your heart out. Ed I always wanted to have my name printed in a major newspaper. Any idea where I can find one? Yotam Ben-Ami, Madrid, Spain Not in Spain, that's for sure (har har). Ed I would like Action Force 2, Gothik and Karnov if you print my letter. If not you will be made to play Lawnmower Simulator while standing in a bucket of shark infested custard for three weeks. R. Sorfleet Barnsley, S. Yorkshire But that's how I always play it! Ed

    

YS HORRORSCOPES By Madame Pico      ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 20) Mercury has just moved into your sign which means there's an incredible amount of romance on the cards. Trouble is that being such a fast moving planet, it's just moved out of your sign again. Seems you've 'missed the boat' as they say. Bad luck      TAURUS (Apr 21-May 21) Mercury's bombing through your sign. Go and ask someone out. Quick, quick, quick ... aaaaaahhhh, too late.      GEMINI (May 22-Jun 21) Oh dear. Mercury seems to have crashed into the sun and explodcd. This doesn't auger too well for shopping trips on the l9th or the 22nd.      CANCER (Jun 22-Jul 22) The sign of the crab. Incredibly apt this month actually, as you will be shuffling around sideways on a beach somewhere. Watch ouf for predators wearing green.      LEO (Jul 23-Aug 23) The King of the Zodiac - aren't you the lucky one. In a survey, eight out of l0 doctored birth certificates had been altered to place their owners under this sign. The frauds!      VIRGO (Aug 24-Sep 23) All the planets have just moved into Virgo. As a consequence there isn't much room left for you, so I suggest you move temporarily to another starsign. (Leo's quite a good one)      LIBRA (Sep 24-Oct 23) Pluto sauntering through your fourth quadrant indicates a right Royal carry on this month. You'll go fishing with Charles on the 25th and you might bump into Di at the hairdressers on the 28th. Wear blue.      SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22) Nasty pieces of work, Scorpios! They'll bite off their nose to spite their face, and steal chocolate from babies - things like that. This month keep your eyes peeled for a toddler in red. His smarties will be easy to 'liberate'.      SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 21) Mars will be entering your sign at the end of the month, which is a bit embarrassing really as it owns two of the crappiest moons in the Solar System: Phobos and Deimos, the 'giant potato' satellites. Lie low and wear orange.      CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 20) Thanks to the appearance of Neptune you will become an advertising copywriter. Your third slogan; "Birds Eye Chicklets - pieces of hen you thought we'd never sell" gets you the sack on the 27th. Avoid oxtail soup.      AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19) Bit of an ethereal 'hippy' sign, this one. Coronation Street's Ken Barlowe will pay you a visit with some of his Druid friends and you'll all go for a 'mystic pic-nic' at Stonehenge. Wear flares.      PISCES (Feb 20-Mar 20) You'll have a frightening dream about Billingsgate fishmarket on the 18th. On the 10th you'll go swimming in the sea and get caught m the nets of an Icelandic fishing trawler. You should take more notice of your dreams in future.

Doodlebugs