BEST FOOT FIRST
I've worn out six pairs of shoes walking round every computer shop within 20 miles - and not one, NOT ONE so-called computer shop stocks or is able to order a normal run-of-the-mill 128 Spectrum!! Not the crummy +2 with the crap tape recorder or the +3, which is miles too expensive, just the normal Spectrum+ keyboard, key port in the front, mix and ear sockets in the side, heat sink on the right hand side 128 Spectrum!!!! Aaaaarrrrgghh!
    'Ah yes,' I hear you mumble, 'but the 128K Spectrum is no longer made and is therefore an endangered species'.
    I KNOW!
    But surely someone stocks these little treasures! Perhaps if I wrote to Sinclair Research or Amstrad (?), they might know. Do you know, Ed? If so, please put me out of my misery.
Michael Taylor
(gibber gibber)
Ely, Cambs
PS Okay, so it wasn't quite six pairs of shoes and perhaps 20 miles is a tiny exaggeration!

I'm afraid that you can no longer buy a 128K new in the shops as it has been superceded by the Spectrum +2. Your best bet is to scour the pages of Input Output where you should find loads of Speccy 128's for sale. And they're cheaper than a new one so you'll be able to buy a new pair of shoes too! Hope that's of some help. Ed

DON'T FOLLOW THE BEAR
Have you noticed how in the latest ish of a certain other Speccy magazine (Teddy Bear User? Ed), yes that's the one, that every full price game is given either 8, 9 or 10 points? Surely they all can't be that good! How are games rated? Maybe there should be a universal system adopted. What do you think?
Terence Russoff
London N 19

Naturally I can't speak on behalf of any other magazine but ratings are personal to both particular reviewers and magazines. As far as Your Sinclair is concerned there's a guide to the scoring system we use at the beginning of Screenshots to help you. Generally though, any game that we consider to be particularly outstanding gets a nine or Megagame rating. We don't give ten as a rule because you never know whether a better game will come along in the future. As for the other magazines, maybe they are more easily pleased than us or perhaps an 8 or a 9 from them is the same as a 7 from us. What you can rest assured of is we NEVER review unfinished products. Ed

TAKING THE MICHAEL
You don't care do you? I worked for seconds writing that letter you published in the Feb '88 ish, but what reward do I get? NOWT!
    Well, I have several things to say in response to the Astra Cavalier attitude you show to your readers: I HATE YOU ALL, YOU BUNCH OF NEO-FASCIST LEFTY YOBBOES!
    I have also drawn up a four-point plan of revenge.
    1. Buy all unsold copies of Crash, Sinclair User etc, to make your sales figures look crap.
    2. Force-feed Phil South until he reaches critical mass, implodes and turns into a black hole, which with any luck you will all disappear down.
    3. Ring up all the double glazing firms in Great Britain and give them your names and addresses.
    4. Tell Anneka Rice that there's a clue hidden in your filing cabinet.
    Well, I can see that none of this is having the slightest effect as you've all nipped off to the pub while I was writing (sniff). You don't care, nobody cares (sob). You all hate me. I bet you're all wishing I'd get run over by a bus (snort). Well l won't. I'm gonna put my head in this balaclava and turn on the shower unless you send me a badge!
Michael Brocklehurst
Carterknowle, Sheffield

I don't think we show an Astra Cavalier attitude to our readers - more a Reliant Robin one. And to prove it I've printed your letter and I'm even going to send you a badge. By the way how did you know there was a clue hidden in my filing cabinet? Ed

CRASHING BORE
I recently wrote to Crash telling them how dull they were compared to YS. But for some reason they didn't print my letter. At least I can rely on you to print it, can't I?
Nell Barrett
Romford, Essex

IT! We never let you down! Ed

MORE HOVER BOVER
It has come to my notice that the Advanced Lawnmower Simulation, which gained megagame status in April, is in fact my game. After seeing an advertisement in Gardener's Monthly for new programmers to join an in-house team with the new software label Greensoft, I immediately sent off the game I had just completed, called Qualcast Rota-Mo. I sent it to them in January and was still awaiting a reply when I saw the game under a new name in YS.
    The review fitted the game exactly and the screenshot is the same. I urge readers not to buy this game as they have ripped me off.
W L Griffiths
Ford, Shrewsbury

Oh dear! What can I say? I don't think any of our readers will be buying this game, so you've no need to worry. As a man with green fingers you should understand me when I say 'Go forth and propogate!' Oh and don't forget your YS badge. Ed

STAR LETTER LETSBY AVENUE Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. One year ago you printed my letter in your worthy journal. My superintendent saw the letter and summoned me to his office.     "Morning Super." "Morning Wonderful" (Oo-er).     The greetings over, he then informed me that when I got my Your Sinclair badge I should wear it with pride. A year later I am still awaiting the gong to arrive. I met young Mark Salmon (YS's Ad Manager) at the PCW Show last year and he made wild and false promises that he would get the badge to me. You might remind him that we know his car and where he lives.     Please, please send me the badge so that once again I may hold my head up in the hallowed mansions of the Metropolitan Police Computer Club and fight off the sneers of those wayward members of my club who have walked the left hand and purchased C64s, which I believe are some form of early computer. Barry Hayes PC Spectrum Editor Met Police Computer Club Magazine Do you really know Mark's car and where he lives? 'Cos if you do you've got no hope of ever receiving a badge - it'll be much more fun seeing Mark's car being towed away. But since I'm not a sadistic kind of person and because our neat little badges look very snazzy with a police uniform I'm sending you one. Not only that, you're also the lucky winner of three games for being the Star Letter. Ed PS Would you mind removing the handcuffs now?

WORRALLOAD OF...
The other day I was reading through a fanzine report in Crash (I repent! I repent!). At the end of it the address to a fanzine called EPROM was printed. It was in Preston and cheques had to be made payable to a T Worrall!
    In the April ish of YS in the Joystick Jugglers dept you said that your Tony Worrall lived in Preston!
    Coincidence?
    Or is this the same T Worrall? Is he friendly with the staff of other mags? Is he earning money on the side? And is he betraying YS?
    And finally, does this make me an informer? If so, I want a badge.
Gerard Tyrrell
Tuam, Co Galway

There's no pulling the wool over your eyes is there? It is indeed the same Tony Worrall - if you'd read the mag properly you'd already know that you berk. And no, he doesn't earn any money on the side and he better not be betraying YS or he'll never walk, sorry work again. Ed

PRAISE BE
You probably won't print this letter as I'm not writing about anything controversial. I'm writing in praise. Praise of a software company that's doing something for the public, in my view: the king of the budget shelves, Mastertronic. It is re-releasing loads of games namely, Dan Dare, Knucklebusters, Way of the Exploding Fist, Knight Lore, Alien 8 and so on. I've all these games and more. I recently bought a +2 and had looked around for Knight Lore for many centuries (well, weeks). Then one day I glanced at the budget shelves and saw it - I nearly died. So please print this as the Star Letter - the one thing wrong with the mag is the letters going on about nothing to do with computers or games. I hope this will become the Star Letter, or will it be some pervie going 'slaver bonk' talking about whips and thighs?
Gavyn Lewis
Stourbridge, W Midlands

I'm glad you're well satisfied with the amount of re-releases around at the moment. But always remember, it's only possible because they were full price products in the first place. And I'm afraid your comment about all the letters being about nothing to do with computer games is perfectly true. I mean, have you seen the one from Gavyn Lewis?!! Ed

FRY EM UP
I am just writing to ask you why nobody likes Em, because everybody wants to shoot em up, beat em up, kick em in, blow em up, slash em up or slice em up.
    I think she's quite nice.
Stephen Fry
Sheffield

All those people shooting em, kicking em and beating em are probably just showing their affection. Either that or they hate em's guts. Ed

RED HERRING
I am not best pleased with your magazine. When the nice people stick YS in my bowl, the ink runs and I only get time to read half of your letters page.
George The Goldfish
Faringdon, Oxon

Well here's a little tip for all you aquatic creatures out there. Before immersing your pristine copy of YS in water please cover the pages in sticky back plastic (get an adult to help you). You'll then be able to read in comfort without all the ink running. Hope that helps, George. Ed

TRAINED KILLER
When I bought YS I decided to read On The Warpath (yawn!), and I saw that a certain Mark Rodgers thought war wasn't a good thing. Wow, what a hippy! I, Captain Commie Killer, have decided that too many people are CND hippies. So I have decided to write a small article on being violent and here it is: How To Blow Up A Trainspotter by Captain Commie Killer.
    1) Take a grenade.
    2) Pull out the pin (small children may need an adult to do this for them).
    3) Drop the grenade in the Trainspotter's Pan-Am bag.
    4) Run.
    And there you have it. This series may continue in a future issue.
Capt Commie Killer
Spalding, Lancs.

Or then again it may not. Ed

CLOT
Okay you mob - I've got a bone to pick with you. Now, I came down to London to see the sights, yet when I got to your hideout no-one would answer the door! Okay, who's that upstairs? Was he playing Football Director?
Peter Wharton
Carlisle, Cumbria

I hope it's the funny bone 'cos you're going to feel a real plonker when you realise what you've done. The building in the picture happens to be some posey advertising agency, not Castle Rathbone which is next door! Still, I expect it's not easy spending your life as a milk crate! Ed

TRAINSPOTTER AWARD THE PRICE IS WRONG! On page 70 of issue 26 there's an advert for Blood Valley, saying that it costs £9.99 on the Spectrum. In the same issue on page 11, you say it costs £7.99. If two quid is so unimportant, please send that amount to me at once, or of course a Trainspotter Award! Kay Powell Modbury, S Devon Since I can't afford £2 (that's half my wages), I'm sending you a Trainspotter Award. Well spotted. Marcus won't do it again or I'll deduct £2 from his wages which means he'll owe me a quid! Ed

WHAM BAM!
Hey T'zer, you've got a sex symbol in the office! Is this person off his trolley, you're probably thinking, but no, with a little assistance from moi, Phil could look like that Greek god, George Michael. Yes really - a touch of stubble, a new haircut and a designer jacket, and Bob's your uncle. And to prove my point I have enclosed a pic.

Steve Jackson
Startmore, Middlesex

Blimey! He really is a dead ringer for podgy George babes. Only trouble is he can sing - Phil that is! Ed

LORRA LORRA LAFFS
You thought that Janne Harju's joke in the April issue was not funny? You're wrong! I laughed my head off! OUCH!
Sami Vuokila
Tornio, Finland
PS Instead of badge you could send me glue or something.

Funny you should say that, but Janne's little rib-tickler made Phil split his sides laughing. You can imagine what a mess that was! We used a whole roll of sellotape putting him back together again. Anyway here's a joke: What's white and blue and swings through the jungle? A fridge with a denim jacket on! Well, I didn't say it was funny! Ed
    

SMALL PRINT Anyone who gets a letter printed in Your Sinclair must be a complete fool. Robert Wilkins Llangunnor, Carmarthen You said it! Ed Can you pose nude on next month's cover? (Drool, drool, drool...) Scott McGlashan King's Park, Glasgow I most certainly can't! Ed How did you manage to de-activate the letter bomb? Tim Jones Gwynedd, Angluey Any idiot could have de-activated that primitive contraption. All I did was... KABOOOM! Ed Why doesn't the man in the Trainspotter piccy wear a straitjacket? Keith 'Clauseau' Park Woodside, Aberdeen Why doesn't Mickey Mouse wear a straightjacket? What a stupid question! Ed Why do you say f'nar f'nar? Paul Hirschfield Cottingham, N Humberside Same reason we say oo-er! Ed

WELL REALLY!!!

VIXEN VICE I'm sorry to write to you about the May issue, but I really must protest at the front cover and poster inside. When I went into the newsagents to buy my copy I found the magazine on the top shelf, (where those other mags are kept). I'm thirty and was extremely embarrassed by the front cover and having to show it to the newsagent to explain it was a computer mag.     My wife was with me at the time and was not too pleased with the looks we were getting from the other customers. If this is the kind of sexist advertising you are going to dish out on the cover you can count me out. When will you magazines learn that the average age group of your readers is 14-18? But it's what they want I hear you cry! But do they?     Sorry about being annoyed, but if you don't get letters like this you'll continue to publish such drivel! I do hope you'll listen to your readers as up to now it's been a good mag - don't turn it into another Camera Weekly. Hope to see a reply in the next issue - some hope!     Yours in disgust, Allan Phillips Camden, London Your hopes have been fulfilled 'cos here's your answer. I am sorry you were offended by the Vixen cover. I personally don't see what all the fuss is about. Nobody writes in to complain when there is a butch, muscly He-Man stereotype on the cover which could be accused of being equally sexist! I have certainly no intentions of turning YS into another Camera Weekly - I think you've missed the point why that picture was used in the first place. Vixen the game features a woman in a prehistoric setting, much like Jane of Tarzan fame or the Wild Women Of Wonga. The image used on both YS's cover and Martech's packaging merely reflects the game. I agree that this type of image should only be used in the right context - I do object to the gratuitous use of adorned female bodies to promote products. In this case I think the image is neither offensive or gratuitous. Ed PERV PICS? Look here, this has got to stop! It's getting beyond a joke when my local newsagent won't sell me a copy of YS. First I went in there and couldn't find my beloved magazine. Then, after some searching and neck straining I spotted it nestling in between the girly mags. Now I'm not saying I'm short, but reaching up to the top shelf can be a little embarrassing when you're only 4'9" (ahem).     After asking someone to get it for me, I went to the cash desk whereupon I had some pretty hard explaining to do before I was allowed to buy it. In a nutshell - the May issue of Your Sinclair was disgusting!!!! AS Dungball Sheperton, Middlesex Oh dear! It seems your main problem wasn't with the cover but more with your height. Remember, all the best things come in small packages. I'll be interested to hear what other readers have to say on the subject of covers - not only relating to the so called 'sexist' ones, but to the use of violence too! Ed

    
    

DESERT ISLAND DISKS The Chart And now, the end is near, as this column faces its final curtain. But before Desert Island Disks is bundled up in brown wrapping paper and locked away for ever, I thought I'd compile the very last D.I.D. chart, chronicling all the games that you voted your all-time faves. And worra fascinating chart! Take a butchers...          1. Gauntlet/US Gold     2. Head Over Heels/Ocean     3. Paperboy/Elite     4. Cobra/Ocean     5. Enduro Racer/ Activision     6. Match Day/Ocean     7. Renegade/Imagine     8. The Great Escape/Ocean     9. Leaderboard/US Gold     10. Uridium/Hewson     11. Batty/YS-Elite     12. Starglider/Rainbird     13. Elite/Firebird     14. Commando/Elite     15. Bombjack/Elite     16. Barbarian/Palace     17. Green Beret/Ocean     18. Jack The Nipper/Gremlin     19. Auf Wiedersehen Monty/Gremlin     20. Arkanoid/Imagine          A fairly staggering 392 games were chosen in all, with an even more remarkable FOUR votes for EastEnders, and TWO for World Cup Carnival! Well of course. Gauntlet, by the way, won by a canter, 65% ahead of the number two horse, Head Over Heels (whinny). The Jon Ritman game was in fact the highest new entry in the chart since we last compiled it, and other newcomers in the top ten were Renegade and Leaderboard. Of the others, only Enduro Racer improved its place (from 10th), while Paperboy and Match Day stayed the same. The others all fell. Lower down, Batty was a late runner - obviously the cover-mounted game of all time, to judge by your vote of approval. And Jack The Nipper also did well in the final straight. Just out of the 20, OutRun, Turbo Esprit and the original Fist shone. Top cheapie was 180, followed by Feud and BMX Simulator. Good stuff, eh? And next month we'll be telling you what's appearing in this space from now on, yes indoody...      Marcus Berkmann

Doodlebugs

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