STAR LETTER YS EXPOSED! Dear whoever gets to read this little winner.     Having seriously and scientifically studied the letters that get published in your monthly organ I'm now in a position to announce the completion of a "Get Your Letter Published In YS" blueprint.     The first essential ingredient of a letter is a catchy first line. Boring or polite instructions such as "Dear YS" or "Dear Ed" or "Dear know everything and make everyone else look a right twit Pete" are out of the question. Better try the good old trusty originals such as "OK!" or "What's all this about..." or better still "While I..." (this last one is highly recommended). Abusive remarks about the Ed or Pete are of paramount importance. Although rudeness is not tolerated, phrases such as "Dirty Rats" are quite welcomed and may indeed assist your chances.     Problem identification, or in other words the reason why you've actually gone to the trouble of writing, is a very delicate point. First of all you don't want people to realise that the only reason you've written is to actually see your letter in print. So, you must think up a problem that's both interesting and unusual. Do not under any circumstances let yourself indulge in problems such as: "My joystick is simply not working" or "It's been twelve months to the day since I sent a cheque to a mail order software company and I'm still waiting for the game." These problems are real and obviously no one knows how to deal with them. It's best if you try some unreal ones to which you're bound to get one or more answers. For example, try "My disk drive started to sing The Sound Of Music..." or "My Speccy doesn't like bacon for breakfast any more". If you like to appear technically-minded you must, and I stress this point, find a chip with an unpronouncable name or long code number (e.g. BBCKGB13.9876CIAMI6) and attach to it a problem with which the YS staff are only too familiar. So, "The inside lining of the cable that connects the BBCKGB 13.9876CIAMI6 chip to the RAM pack feels shaky when I've used 47K of memory, while writing a program for my little sister's Barbi-Doll accessories" is a legitimate question to which there must be an answer. Be warned, questions such as: "What exactly is a ROM?" may not receive proper attention.     Like any decent YS reader you must, of course, claim a Trainspotter Award. When doing so make absolutely sure that what you've spotted is original. Here I would like to let you into a little secret that I discovered a couple of days ago. While drinking coifee I accidentally spilled it all over my copy of YS and to my amazement the pages got wet! Yes, you've guessed it. The paper used by YS is not water resistant. As I'll not be claiming an award for this shocking revelation it's up to you to expose this inexcusable fact to the wider public. Needless to say, if you've spotted 128 spelling errors in one page you'll not only not get your letter published but it'll probably bring an angry Ed around to your house (and I understand that Ed isn't a pretty sight even when he's sober!) (He's not a pretty sight at the best of times! T.P.) Note: tearing pages from the mag and then claiming an award for missing pages normally does not work. If in absolute despair do, by all means, try it.     Finally, make sure that your name and address are very clearly stated in your letter; in the event you do win the Award it'd be a wise decision to let them know where to send it. In the event you've sent an abusive letter make sure that your name is an anagram of Frank Bruno or someone equally fearsome. C Stephanou Colchester PS I must emphasise that your letter must have one or two post-scripts (they don't necessarily have to be relevant). PPS More than two post-scripts may jeopardise your chances. Ha, you don't stand a chance of getting this letter published. Ed.

AARD LUCK
Alright you lot. Don't think you can fool an adult aardvark and his trainer with a boob like the one in your Rasputin review. Since when was 'C' the third letter of Rasputin?
    It is (as the aardvark tells me) the third letter of Rachael (who? Well, she's the reviewer) Smith's name. Great new mag but don't think the aardvark won't be round if I don't get an award pronto.
Andy 'hi guys told you
I'd find one' Orchard
Kings Lynn
PS Gollum was a JSW fanatic and deserves whatever he gets!

An anteater replies: this is what comes from mixing too closely with aardvarks - they're real boneheads. A moment's thought and ten year's learning Russian would've told you that C is indeed the third letter of Rasputin in the silly, sorry Cyrillic, alphabet.

DUNKILLIN'
I've reached area 13 and scored 303300 after 3 hours of continuous play and a countless number of ruthless killings on Elite's Commando. If anyone's beaten my score, rush it to Your Sinclair but be quick as I've just reached area 12 with 9 lives left ....
Robert Dunning
Middlesbrough,
Cleveland

Even more impressive is the way you can calmly kill with your right hand while running off this letter with your left. The pen is indeed as mighty as the sword - and the machine gun and half a dozen grenades! But I don't know what you're telling me all this for - tell that horrible heap Hex Loader, send him a piccy and you could be chosen as one of his heroes. Now get back to your gunnin'. Ed.

ARISE...
Sir Editor,
    I'm sending you this little letter just to say that after an evening - and part of the morning - of solid addictive and challenging playing on my faithful Speccy, I finally completed that superb megagame, Rasputin.
    "I don't believe you!" I hear you cry. But wait, before you reach for the shotgun, I'm not talking about the £7.95 original but the demo version that starred on the first issue of Your Sinclair.
    Rasputin is a first-class computer game and it took me well into the early hours of the morning to complete. When you jump onto the letter N, the screen lets off a few high beeps and flashes a few times. You're then left to wander back and forth through the four previous screens until you pull the plug.
    Now concerning your mark two YS. I never thought I'd say this but here goes. What an improvement! (Phew, I didn't know what you were going to say! Ed). When I picked up the mag in my local newsagent and flicked through the jam-packed and colourful pages, I thought to myself, "Robert, 'cos that's my name, you'd be a mug not to buy this!" So, I did, and my money was certainly not wasted. Keep up the good work all you busy-bodies at YS.
Robert Galbraith
Hastings, East Sussex
President of the 'I'm a crawler'
club.
PS Notice the 'Sir' at the beginning. I shall put in a good word for you(?)

Well, I just wish you'd put in a good word for me with the next (ex) reader. Ed.

What a tragedy, what a waste. All those extra pages and you waste them on trash (sorry, you call them games).
    However, I do recognise your grand strategy. Within the year you plan to poach all the readers from the Beano and the Dandy. Rest assured, you will succeed.
    But as for me, I'm going back to the Beano and Dandy (as soon as my subscription to Your Dan Dare, sorry again, Your Sinclair runs out). I find the content of those comics more intellectually stimulating than the juvenile hysterics of your reviewers.
    Why not be honest and disassociate yourselves from computers. Trust me, you would retain the same clientele. Writing computer games programs is obviously clever, playing them and writing about them is moronic.
    So, as I bid you farewell some advice. Change your ways or most certainly go the way of other magazines - under.
    Oh, by the way, thanks for the free cassette. I've used it to save a dozen or so useful machine code routines. There was nothing of importance on it was there?
Les Panselle
Cardigan, Dyfed

Did I say something wrong? Still, there's something I'm not quite sure about. If writing games is such a jolly wheeze why is playing them so moronic? Does this mean that writing books is clever but reading them stupid, or building cars is bright but driving 'em a bit dim. I only ask! Ed.

CHEAP SKATE
Let me tell you about Spellbound from Mastertronic. It's a fantastic arcade adventure that's menu driven. The graphics are big, clear and well drawn and it's truly an adventure not just a jump-and-collect like say Knightbore. (Hang on, has someone slipped an ad into this letter? Oh, there's more of it...Ed)
    All of this for a mere £2.99 which represents terrific value for money when compared with, for instance, Underwurlde. Pocket money software has finally become better than full price games.
    Let me just point out before the poison pen letters arrive from the Ultimate fans that I have great respect for all software houses, but I think more highly of firms that can produce quality programs for a low price. Plus, not all budget software is great. I can name several games that aren't worth 10p let alone £1.99. It's just that for every trashy cheap game I can find two good ones. After all, a pathetic game like Great Space Race can cost the earth but I prefer to risk under £3 than over £14 and I reckon most other people would too.
P Bocij
Normanton, Derby

Right, no cheap cracks at the end of this letter - well, except for that one! I agree with you about Spellbound - it's a great game for the money. My only reservation is this - would a budget game like Cylu for instance, have ever been produced if it hadn't been for that full price pacemaker, Knightlore? You can bet that within six months there'll be Fairlight clones and Elite clones all at under three quid. But would Fairlight or Elite have ever seen the light if all software was priced at that level? I don't know the answer so I'll just have to wait for the letters from those of you who do. Oh, and just one thing, if you do send any poison pen letters can you address 'em to Pete - we've been slipping strychnine into his coffee for the last couple of months but it doesn't seem to have any effect. Ed. Mmmm, I thought it tasted rather better recently. T.P.

ERAUQS BACK!
General congratulations on the transition from one YS to the new one. However, this brave move does present a couple of problems.
    1 ) What do we call it? It was Your Speccy, now... Your Sincy? Yuk!
    2) Don't give up on your brilliant machine code and utilities features - things like Samsynth!
    Otherwise, it's all great stuff - well done (no, that's not a creep in disguise.)
    Oh well, byeeee.
Thomas 'Erauqs' Smith
Lewisham
PS I couldn't give a Castlemaine XXXX who Gollum is.

1) Call the mag anything as long as it's not Your Stinky.
    2) Just take a look at Max's Switcha in this issue.
    Byeeeeeeeeeee. Ed.

TRAINSPOTTER AWARD First off, I think Your Spectrum was good but Your Sinclair is superb value for money (crawl).     However, (brawl) after reading through for the umpth' time. (Coo, you give me the umpth'! Ed) I noticed something wrong in Frontlines. I refer to the article on Ian Flory collecting his prize money. I immediately 'programmed' my Spectrum with:     10 LET PRIZEMONEY = 250     20 LET BANK = 50     30 LET CHANGE = PRIZEMONEY- BANK     40 PRINT CHANGE     and it kept coming up with 200. I even put a For/Next loop around it but still 200. Now, either send me:     1) The name of Ian's bank, or     2) A free subscription to YS for 35 years or     3) A coveted Trainspotter Award.     Otherwise I shall keep posting you Des O'Connor LPs. Bob Shaw Jarrow, Tyne and Wear Right, so that's one Trainspotter Award for Adam and one for Bob which makes, er...     10 LET ADAM'S AWARD =1     20 LET BOB'S AWARD = 1     30 LET TOTAL NO. OF AWARDS = ADAM'S AWARD + BOB'S AWARD     40 PRINT TOTAL     That'll be the last time anyone questions my maths or they'll get what's coming to 'em - or rather they won't! Ed.

    

SMALL PRINT I've been flying about in Elite for a week now and haven't spotted Halley's Comet yet! ( No comet! Ed.) Scott Hill Cardiff PS Love and kisses to Teresa Maughan and good luck for the new-look mag. Anthony Empson Plymouth (Mmmmmm, and a big wet sloppy one to you too. T'zer xxxx) (Yeuch! Ed and T.P.) PPPPS (As you can see this letter had a nasty attack of the editorial red pen! Ed) When using the ROM routine at address 0, try instead RAND USR 9880. Now isn't that a lot prettier? Malcolm Atkinson Rochdale, Lancs I claim this week's Trainspotter Award because Vyvyan in ish 2 has four stars instead of three on his forehead. Make another mistake like that and I'll bash you scumbags over the head wiv a Speccy. Michael Sellar Edinburgh, Scotland (Trainspotter? Huh! Not only has Vyvyan got four stars on his head but since when has YS been weekly? British Rail might be getting there but you certainly ain't! Ed)

Doodlebugs