EAR BENDER
I am writing to thank you for putting a variety of cheese, fish and other green articles in your pages, upon my request in a previous letter. I take back my accusations that the YS team are a very odd selection of staff, and go further to praise you on the latest game on the front cover. Batty is a great game, one which I'd have thought would have sold as a game on the streets as it's so professional. Personally I have got to level five and then got totally stuck.
    Anyway, enough of this wittering on, as it's time to go to the medical centre to have my ears surgically removed.
Alan 'I can't hear
anything because I have
just had my ears
surgically removed'
Lowles
Barnard Castle, Co
Durham

I agree Batty is brilliant and could easily have sold as a full price game in the shops. Hope you like this month's game, Play For Your Life as much! Ed

PINK DIVINITY
I was feeding my latest copy of YS to my gerbil today, when he pointed out Mark Owen's letter which claimed that you are really Mary Smith from EastEnders. However, my gerbil told me this is totally wrong. He says you are really Magenta de Vine (scrummy yummy) from Network 7. Here's the proof:
    a) You look like her (in gerbilvision at least).
    b) If you take the letters t, e, a, m, a and g (which is your mag in gerbil-ese), plus of course n, and you can spell 'Magenta'. Just add a pinch of salt and what my gerbil thinks of you, and you get 'Magenta de Vine'!
    Beat that!
Alan Singfield (and
gerbil)
St Helen's, Merseyside

You've only got to look at two pictures of us to see I look nothing like Magenta and the connection between our names is pretty spurious to say the least! By the same token you could say I looked like Marjorie Proops. 'Cos if you take five letters from her name... m, a, r, e, s and add the letters t, e, u, g, h, n and two a's, you get my name, Teresa Maughan. Blimey it's a strange old world. Ed
    

UNDER PARR
I'm writing to express my concern about the review of F-15 Strike Eagle in the August issue. In my opinion F-15 is a very accurate conversion. I agree the graphics aren't spectacular, but the simulation is very realistic.
    The reviewer writes "Gameplay is slow, and several times I found myself diving towards the ground, unable to pull up." This is probably because he didn't read the manual and learn how to control the aircraft. The game is certainly not slow, unless you pay no attention to the instruments and don't try completing any of the missions. There are plenty of things to do - make sure you don't nosedive is one of them.
    If the reviewer finds himself in a steep dive, then I suggest he goes to 55 percent power, activates speed brakes and pulls back and left (or right) on the joystick. When the aircraft comes out of its 'gross height excursion' (nose dive) then full power should be applied and the plane will level out.
    I certainly think F-15 should have been 8 or 9 overall.
    Apart from that, I agree with many of your reviews.
Ben Parr
Gerrards Cross, Bucks
PS Program Pitstop is an excellent idea. Well done.

Every reviewer can only express his or her own opinion so inevitably there will be times when somebody doesn't agree. I take your point about F-15 and I'm glad you like it. We do try our best to give every game a fair review but if you don't agree by all means write to tell us. Marcus

ON THE Y FRONT
Having practically finished reading your great magazine, I came to YS Superstore. Fancy that T-shirt with the YS logo splashed over the front, I thought to myself. But where were the matching pair of boxer shorts? Surely it would be a good idea to make some - bet they'd be a real hit. And before the insults begin, I should make it clear that I don't undress in laundrettes. But with the T-shirt and boxers from YS I'd be giving you some good, free advertising.
    One more thing: as l patented the idea (would 'thought of' be better?), how about a free pair? I'll send off for the T-shirt myself, straight away, when I find the money.
David Brownhill
Cannock, Staffs

It's funny you should mention boxer shorts (well, I've always found them amusing) but I've been thinking about them for a while now - making some Your Sinclair ones I mean. What does everyone else reckon - would you be seen dead in a pair? And just to set the ball rolling, check out our top ten boxer short patterns in Street Life. Ed

TAKE STOCK
Please Say if you are not Perfectly Satisfied with my Pleasant Script which is Painstakingly Scribbled on Personal Stationery. People Say I'm Perfectly Sensible but I'm Pretty Sick of Phil South using my initials on his letters.
Phillip Stocks
Wafford, Hefts

Perhaps Signing his Personal Scribblings Phil South is Purely Senseless but Proving Such a Piddling Sin Puts Strain on Peabrained Staff and makes Phil Seem like Priaprismic Sloth. In other words it's just a coincidence and Phil says he's sorry Ed

WORRA BERK - MAN
After months of reading your mag I have come to the conclusion that one reviewer stands way above the rest. He is Marcus Berkmann. If he gives a game nine out of ten, buy it! His review of Into The Eagle's Nest started this run of great reviews: Arkanoid, Head Over Heels, Wolfan and Hydrofool to name but a few of them. One review has ruined his great reputation, the review of The Living Daylights. Okay the graphics aren't very good but only because of the colour clash. The game is one of the most addictive I've played. So keep up the good reviews.
Brian Sharp
Macclesfield, Cheshire

How did you know Marcus was seven foot five inches tall? Ed

POSTMAN PRAT
Pheargh gargle argh rumble grumble ick nearh leargh ach ugh groan hurh slurp ack tromble yeargh sign.
The Heavy Breather
A Phone Box In Ludlow
PS Sorry I couldn't phone as I didn't have a 10p.

You don't fool me. I know who you are. Only someone who works for British Telecom wouldn't have 10p to make a phone call so you've got to be from Firebird. But I won't embarrass you, Tom Watson, by mentioning any names. Haven't you got anything better to do than write obscene letters? (Like writing obscene press releases.) Ed

BASKET CASE
I've just received the September issue of Your Sinclair, and after carefully analysing the contents page, (I don't know why I didn't just read it) I found to my complete and utter HORROR that a certain, eagerly awaited review had been mercilessly omitted. The review in question was that of Basket Master by Imagine. So where is it?
John Forth
Wisbech, Cambs

Where indeed? Unfortunately we couldn't put the review in, due to circumstances beyond our control, in other words, the game has been delayed until December and it's not our fault it wasn't in the issue as aramised. Anyway if you'd read the small print you'd know we did say 'barring acts of God, like Castle Rathbone getting demolished, the Ed being run over by a No. 37 bus or Phil running out of sandwiches.' Okay I'll come clean - Basket Master wasn't in the issue 'cos Phil ran out of sandwiches. Ed

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!
Ehehehehe bruuummmm Road Blazer wow what an arcade machine. Put your foot down and watch it burn the rear wheels, zoom off and blast the cars. Try to catch the extra weapon on the roof and drive through green balls for fuel but beware of limousines, they won't blow up. Wow for just 30p.
Matthew Oakley
Darlington, Co Durham

Do what, John? Are you sure you've written to the right magazine? Maybe you meant to send it to Gardener's Weekly. Ed

STAR LETTER WORRA DYLAN Here's a poem written in my native tongue, dedicated to you.     Ta an gaoth ag screadagh tri mo poll,     Gan stop, gan stad,     Ta do bhrollach cosuil le dramaill mor.     Ta do chose cosuil le bad.          B'fheidir nach bhfuli tu mhaighdean,     Ach ba mhaith liom tu a leagann.     Ciontaigh me me feb,     Nuair a bhfuil tu i mo aigeann.          Roughly translated, this poem praises your beauty, and it ends in a suicide attempt because of the writer's unrequited love. Ciontaigh O Cialla Carryblusk, Co Cork Car blimey worra rhyme     'Cos it's in your native tongue     To end it all, is a crime     So to you software I will bung...     Roughly translated, this poem in my native tongue, says you're the Star Letter winner. Ed

TRAINSPOTTER AWARD FORGET ME NOT I claim my Trainspotter Award because you forgot to publish my letter in the June issue of Your Sinclair. Robert Wilkins Llangunor, Carmarthen How remiss of us. You're quite right we did forget to print your letter so you're now the proud owner of a Trainspotter Award, though we'll probably forget to send it. Ed CLAP TRAP I claim to be a world class Trainspotter. In the October issue I was reading Screenshots when I found in the YS Clapometer on Championship Basketball "Graphics 7, Playability 8, Value for Money 7, Addicteness 8" Addicteness! Who can't smell, I mean spell, eh? Well whoever it was, I advise them to go Back To Skool! Scott Brennan Whitefield, Dundee Whoops! Well spotted we wondered when somebody would notice that. Quite good for a deliberate error doncha think? Ed

KINDLY LEAVE THE STAGE This month's crap jokes come from David Marr of Blackley and Lorraine Makepiece from Thornbury. I say I say I say...     Knock knock! Who's there? Cornflakes! Cornflakes who? I'll tell you next month 'cos it's a cereal!          How do you circumcise a whale?     Send down four skin divers!

SMALL PRINT If you print this letter I'll send you a badge Sean (B*st*rd) McEvoy Well, thanks very much. Ed I hope you do not mind my mistakes. I'm not an Englishman! Jann Romer, Zurich, Switzerland I s'pose you're some big Swiss cheese! Ed Please could you send me a 10 x 5 Athena poster, but put T'zer in place of the incredibly muscly lady. Roy Plttendrigh, Morpeth It would have to be 100 x 50 to fit T'zer in. Marcus Is the YS team sex mad? Or is it just the readers? Staple Flux the Grog Wahay! Oo-er! Cor! Wallop! No, just the readers! Ed

    

DESERT ISLAND DISKS This month's castaway, noshing on nettle roots and coconut milk, is Glen O'Hara from Shepperton in Middlesex - who by a weird coincidence, was also the funster who supplied us with that evilly accurate T'zer pic elsewhere on this page. Talented feller, huh?     Heavy On The Magick/Gargoyle     I'd have to keep me mouth clean, wouldn't I? I'd gargoyle with this! Sheer brilliance from Roy and Greg.     Knight Tyme/MAD     U lurve that sprite - strut that funky stuff yeah! Brilliant graphical adventure with cool graphics.     Stormbringer/MAD     How much is ol' David Jones paying me? Megacool (but complicated) game which I still haven't finished. Arrggh!     Head Over Heels/Ocean     Probably the best game ever to hit the dear old Speccy (solution for Egyptus, anyone?) but I think it's biased against Heels - he always gets the bad bits!     Barbarian/Palace     Splat! Hey, look at this poster! Wayhay! The best combat game ever.     Chuckle Egg II/A 'n' F     Bear dung up against today's games, I know. But I love it as the best platform game ever - and who could survive without a JSW clone?     Daley Thompson's Supertest 128/Ocean     Give me something to look forward to, wouldn't it? I could build a multi-storey car park and an indoor sports centre while it was loading!     Nemesis The Warlock/Martech     Brill graphics and playability - a Martech winner!

Doodlebugs