BUGBORE
Yesterday I went to my mate's house and asked for the game Bugaboo. He asked me why I wanted such a boring game. I told him that it was because I had to babysit for my cousin. He lent me the game, I went home and at 8pm my cousin came round. My cousin is six and the biggest moaner in the world. As soon as he got here he screamed "I want to play on the computer!" So I took him upstairs and loaded Bugaboo. Would my plan work? It did - he fell asleep on the floor because the game was so... zzz zzz (it's catching).
Andrew Lewis
Wallasey, Merseyside

Zzzzzzzzzzzz! Oh I see what you mean. Have you ever thought of writing your cousin a letter - it might have the same effect! Ed

WEIRD
I am writing to say how the maps that people send in just spoil the games. I mean it takes the fun of playing the game right out. For instance, take the game Head Over Heels - someone sent that in and you printed it. The people that've got the game know exactly where to go and follow the path that's shown on the map. And you published the Cobra map as well. Some people just don't think, do they? I will remain unnamed because I have entered the competitions and it might spoil my chance.
Unnamed
Somewhere, Anywhere
PS DON'T BOTHER TO PUT THIS IN YOUR MAGAZINE.

Right, then I won't. Ed

KEEPING ABREAST...
Just a quickie to say how impressed I am about the ad on page 73 of your July issue! Crumbs, I'd willingly pay double the money for this sort of standard of advertising!
    That macho gun-toting male figure (I assume he's male - difficult to tell under all that gleaming armour) and the charming lady have definitely influenced where my money's going. Three cheers for Imagine and YS - this is the future of computing!
Ironical Ian
(no address supplied)

I bet you were even more impressed to see the charming lady in all her glory on the giant Game Over poster in last month's issue. But why didn't you send us your address - are you ashamed of something? Ed

SEEING IS BELIEVING
I can't believe it! I just can't believe it! Believe what? You've converted me. For almost three years I have read and enjoyed Crash (sorry, no more foul language) until I had a browse through Your Sinclair. Usually I would've just picked up 'the other mag' and that was it, but I thought I'd look at the others to waste time, and how pleased I am! Your Sinclair is soooo megafab. I didn't think that there was a mag like this.
    Great reviews, great hints and tips, great compos and a brill Program Pitstop. Crash is very dull compared to Your Sinclair. I can't wait for the next issue.
Tom Burns
Kilbirnie, Ayrshire

I can't believe it! I just can't believe it! You mean it's taken you this long to realise how megafab Your Sinclair is. And it's getting bigger and better all the time. Take this month's issue - a brilliant cover mounted cassette of a complete new Elite game called Batty, a pull-out poster, piles of colour reviews and previews, maps, hints, tips, fantastic competitions not to mention all the other fun-packed pages. What more could you ask for! Ed. A payrise. Phil

BUTCHER BIKER
I'm writing (yet again) to say that I've beaten my previous score on Enduro Racer. It used to be 40.11, but now it's 37.9. So naff off Andrew Cebula who thinks I'm crap at it.
Kieran '0-60 in 6
seconds in my C5'
Butcher
Wellingborough,
Northants

Well really, there's no need to be quite so offensive. Okay then, the challenge has re-opened - can anyone beat Kieran's score, except me of course, 'cos I've done it in under 20 seconds! Ed

HE'S DEAD JIM
The Speccy has finally made it to the silver screen! In Star Trek IV when the heroes come out of the time warp, you can hear the sound of a Speccy loading (or saving) in the background! Maybe this is just a 'walk-on' role, but will the next movie be Star Spec V?
N J Humphreys
Aberystwyth, Dyfed

Well, you know what they say, Cap'n - you cannae change the laws of physics! Ed

STAR LETTER STICK TIP Here's a tip your other readers may find useful. If you find that your joystick won't sit securely on your desk, stick the suction feet to a smallish piece of heavy glass (or mirror) and lay the piece of glass onto an upturned rubber car-mat. You'll find it stays put - and makes your play more accurate! I'm a new Spectrum user and I love your mag, Chris Prouer Stoke Goldington, Bucks Brilliant idea! Only one problem though. Everytime I tried it I crashed my car 'cos I couldn't see where I was going! Ed

ADAM'S APPLE
Obviously my letter bomb failed. This is a queer letter 'cos it contains some below - queries, that is.
    1. Why did BMX Simulator get to number 1?
    2. Why don't budget houses ever use turbo loaders (well, hardly ever, anyway)?
    3. Why did that man just climb through my window and smash my face in with a crowbar? Was it because I locked the door?
    4. Why does my electric meter black out after I've just spent 3 1/4 hours typing in my computer program, so causing me to start again?
    5. String.
    6. Why did my Speccy evaporate when I hooked it up to the light socket?
    Finally a complaint about the Multiface 1... I haven't got one.
S Adams
Ashington,
Northumberland

And the answers in reverse order are... 6. Ask an electrician. 5. I'm a Frayed Knot. 4. Sod's Law. 3. Probably the polyfilla men in disguise as the SAS. 2. 'Cos they don't like the feel of something throbbing in their games. 1. Because it ran out of juice. Ed

DINAMIC BOOB
I am writing about the advert for Imagine's Game Over, 'cos l think Imagine has boobed. If you look at the July issue on page 73 you'll see that something has, well, popped out, to say the least. But in the August issue the same advert (on the back page) has the word 'Dinamic' plastered all over the same spot. Dinamic it may be but I prefer the way it was.
    I was wondering whether Rachael had anything to do with this cover-up. If you took a vote from the male readers, you'd find that 99 percent of them would want more of this.
Patrick Field
East Calder, West Lothian
PS I am not a pervert, whatever my friends say.

Rachael certainly wasn't responsible for this cover-up - Gwyn would never have allowed it. And what about the female readers, eh? I've a feeling they'll be more interested to see a huge pin-up of Bruce Willis, so just for them (and me) here's a piccy to drool over. Ed
    

CHEAP'N'CHEERFUL
I had £11 saved up so I went to my local computer store to get a computer game. First I looked at the £8-and-up games but they weren't so good, so I looked on the budget game shelf. I picked up Chronos by Mastertronic and looked at the graphics on the inlay card and wow! wot brill graphics, Trev! I read the gameplay and it sounded okay, so I bought it. Then I picked up Stormbringer, again by Mastertronic, and I think it's brilliant! I'm now looking for Spellbound and Knight Tyme.
    I had £6 left so I got three more budget games from Code Masters. Why pay more indeed when you can get good games like Star Runner, Super Robin Hood and Ghost Hunters? I am well pleased with all five games - congratulations to Mastertronic and Code Masters. Can we have some more budget game reviews in the (brill) mag?
Chris Hill
Bolton, Lancs

We already review all budget games that are released on the Spectrum, and in full colour too. The only budget games we don't tend to review are re-releases simply because most readers will either already have the game or have read a review. But if you think we should, write and let me know. I don't entirely agree with you, though, that it's not worth buying really good full-price software. You'll never get games as good as Head Over Heels, Catch 23 or Sentinel coming out at £1.99 simply because development costs are too high. Choosing something full-price and budget games seems to be the sensible thing to do. Ed

SUMMING UP
Oy you! Frazzle breath! I demand a trainspotter award, not only for being a mindnumbingly well def and super cool person and a mega YS fan, but also for spotting three (3), yes 3 (three) mistakes in the August issue, and that was only at a quick glance. In the reply to Frizzle's letter you said that 'extra postage was needed for living 7^10 miles away', whereas Frizzle lives 7,000,000,000,000 miles away which is 7^11, so I suggest that you either take up an 'A' level course in maths and physics or upgrade your Speccy to a 48K!
Daryl Tabbutt
Leicester

Our Resident Maths Bore writes: Sorry, Daryl, but you're wrong too!
    7,000,000,000,000 is actually 7 x 10^11, as any fule kno. So meuugggh! And I've already taken an A-level course in Maths actually. Ed

OCH NESS!
I am a 28 year old adventurer and I have got a problem. It all started around three months ago. A so-called friend of mine gave me a copy of Claymorgue Castle and things have steadily deteriorated.
    Recently I have grey hairs poking through on my bonce. I wake up in the night sweating and screaming "Go north! Go south!' My once loving children now keep a safe distance.
    To make things worse, the wife keeps muttering about divorce and that damn computer.
    What can I do? Am I paranoid? Should I declare myself insane. Can I be cured?
    Please help.
Andrew Ness
Sheffield, Yorkshire

Well, if I were you I'd get expert counselling before this problem takes a real grip. I advise you to join Mike Gerrard's self-help group in the adventure section. All you need to do is write to him outlining your problem and symptoms and hopefully he'll be able to give you something to help. Other than that I'd suggest you try and stay on the wagon as far as your Speccy's concerned otherwise your wife may well start filing for divorce! Ed

TRAINSPOTTER AWARD Here is my monthly attempt to win a trainspotter award. In the Wizball review there's a panel titled 'Stirring It Up' showing three cauldrons containing green, yellow and blue colours. The text claims that these are the primary colours of the spectrum. This is nonsense. The primary colours are blue, green and red. Yellow is a secondary colour produced by combining red and green.     Also, in the Photon Warrior compo, 'laser' is defined as an acronym for 'light amplification by simulated emission of radiation' More nonsense! Laser light is real - there's nothing simulated about it. The correct phrase should, of course, be 'light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation' Bill Morrison Androssan, Ayrshire PS Before anyone starts arguing about yellow being a primary colour I will admit that artists regard it as primary, but let's face it, artists are an odd lot with some very strange ideas. For the truth of the matter consult any good physics book. It seems you've hit the nail on the button. The cauldrons should've been red, blue and green as you correctly pointed out. Funnily enough, it was also the Art Dept who made this colourful mistake, but I'm afraid your explanation of how they came to make the error just won't wash (whiter than white) because neither Darrell nor Peter could be described as artists. Well, not in the sense of the word you mean anyway Ed

WHAT AN EYESORE
I like your magazine very much as all of your reviews and articles have been reliable and accurate - up till now. I read your review of I Ball with shock - how on earth can you say it's difficult and the movement is tricky, and generally speak of it so badly. I reached level four on my second go. You seem to like Howard The Duck more, saying it's good fun. The game is utter trash and a rip-off. The reviewers who reviewed those two games can't tell a good one from a bad one.
A Redfearn
Huddersfleld, Yorkshire

I appreciate the point, but you must allow for individual reviewers' opinions about different games. To be honest, I agree with you about Howard The Duck - an awful Disappointment - but Troubleshootin' Pete went a bundle on it, so you have to respect his opinions. I'm not so sure about I Ball, I'm afraid - terribly overrated, to my mind. Still, each to his own. Comments? Marcus

NEW ADDITION!
Once upon a time there was a computer called the ZX80... but that's history now (yawn). Since then we have had the ZX81, the Spectrum 16K, the Spectrum 48K, the Spectrum+, the 128K, the +2 and now the +3. 'What next?' we ask. The +4 with a built-in microwave oven and drinks dispenser (Yummy! Phil), or finally a decent computer with some new ideas?
    It seems that Amstrad is fixed on churning out the same computer with a different casing and add-on (disk drive, etc) instead of spending some time designing a new machine. By the time you've saved up enough money and bought the new computer Amstrad has gone and updated it again.
    Where will it all end? The +6 or +7? I think I'm going to crack up... Aaaaaaaarrrgghh!!
Fred Bloggs
Belmont, Durham
PS Did you know that there are an estimated 5,000,000 sheep in Wales?

Baaa! You can't pull the wool over my eyes even if you do wear welly boots. There are actually 4,999,999 sheep in Wales - the other one emigrated to New Zealand. Seriously though, I think you can safely buy the Spectrum +3 without worrying about a new updated one appearing within the next year or so. I'm actually waiting for Amstrad to bring out a hi-fi, video recorder, monitor and Speccy all in one system. What do you say, Sugar? Ed. Not a lot, Honey! Phil

BODY BUILDING
I'm going to tell you a story about four people who work at Your Sinclair called Somebody, Everybody, Nobody and Anybody.
    Here goes.
    Once upon a time there was an important edition of YS to be edited ready for publishing and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody would have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got very angry because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody would do it, but Nobody realised that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody would have done. A very confusing story.
Barry Swinscoe
Plymouth, Devon

It maybe confusing but I managed to work out exactly who Everybody was. Phil was a Nobody, Marcus could be Anybody and Somebody must have been Peter the Art Editor. It follows then that Everybody must have been me! Ed

NUL POINTS
I am writing the first ever letter with no points to it. Damn, that's one already - oh well, I'll stop now while the going's good.
Al
Pirton, Herts

I noticed you were playing your joker when you wrote that letter. Still I've beaten (oo-er) you 'cos this answer has no point to it either. Ed

V SIGNS!
I think Ainslie Mcleod has been very naughty with his cover drawing on the July issue. After I read your magazine I noticed that 'Thing' on the front cover was doing something quite offensive to a group of nasties behind him with his left hand using two fingers. Personally I don't think the innocent 'Thing' would do a thing like that so I feel it must be a mistake and I'm entitled to a trainspotter award.
Richard Elton
Stoke On Trent,
Staffordshire
PS Please sign Editor and not Ed. You're getting too lazy.

I'm afraid you're not entitled to a trainspotter award because it wasn't a mistake. 'Thing' really did make that rather obscene gesture and there was nothing we could do about it. But wouldn't you if you were being chased by hordes of nasty creatures? Ed. Oops sorry. Editor
    

SMALL PRINT PS How do I complete ID? Dom Robinson Woodsmoor, Stockport First you write the letter I and then the letter D. Easy innit? Ed As this is the star letter please can I have Psi-5 Trading Company, Exolon and Challenge Of The Gobots? Richard Pelley Bristol Yes! Well, actually I'm lying. Tee hee! Ed PPPPS Who is this PS person anyway? Daryl Tebbutt Leicester Could be anybody and everybody. Phil. Let's not start all that again. Ed PS I think Phil is great.     PPS Only joking! Andy Stephen Broadstairs, Kent Phew! That was a close shave. For a moment there, I thought you were serious. Ed PPPS How about having a few square type brackets, just for variety? [[[]]] Pete Whitby Jr Henbury, Bristol Variety may well be the spice of life but certainly not brackets. (((((((((()))))))) Ed

KINDLY LEAVE THE STAGE This month's dismal jokes come from Shaun 'Spud' Aliaton of Ipswich, Terry Russoff of Tufnell Park, London and Khalid Jamil of Dollis Hill, London.          Did you hear about the three Irishmen sitting on the ground? One fell off.          Q: What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your underpants?     A: Your granny!          Q: What did Spock find when he went into the Enterprise's toilet?     A: The Captain's Log! (Wagga! Wagga! Wagga!)

DESERT ISLAND DISKS Meep meep! Our Disker this month is the Road Runner, who's on hols at the moment with Anthony Johnson of Willesden Green (I prefer Greece myself). Amazingly enough the Runner's a bit of a Speccy fan, and here are his top eight:     Starquake/Bubble Bus     The first game I ever bought and I've spent many playing nights on it - wowee! It's still brilliant.     Head Over Heels/Ocean     Cutesy, cutesy characters, excellent graphics and I played it a lot. (I think T'zer is cuter.)     Universal Hero/Mastertronic     Another Jetman game I thought, but this cheapie proved different.     Herbert's Dummy Run/Mikro-Gen     I like all the Wally (Phil South) games but Herbert's is my favourite, maybe because I'm just a big baby. Goo gaa goo goo!     Knight Lore/Ultimate     So what! Everybody else has chosen this, so why can't I?     The Sacred Armour Of Antiriad/Palace     Very nice animation and gameplay, congratulations YS for letting me win the Antiriad compo. (Crawler. Ed)     I Ball/Firebird     Another of my favourite cheapies - a different viewpoint and I like increasing my arsenal through each level.     Bobby Bearing/The Edge     How many games have balls in them?

Doodlebugs

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