JEKYLL AND HYDE
Okay the game's up. Your little secret is out! You might as well admit it - the Editor and Troubleshootin' Pete are both the same person. I mean how else could Pete reply to one of the Ed's inserts in an article?
    Hah, well you can't pull the wool over my eyes and if you don't want me to spill the beans you'd better make it worth my while to keep my mouth shut. And don't try to do anything silly like escape in your turbo driven C5, 'cos if you look out of the window of your cosy little office you'll see I have posted men with rayguns, ready to shoot at my command.
    Don't say I didn't warn you!
Mooney Wahooney
The Intergalactic Trade
Commission, Planet of
Altair.

Hmmm, an interesting one, this. I don't think we're the same person but just to make sure I'd better check it out with Pete. What d'you think Pete? Ed. Hang on a tick while I have a look. Thigh bone's connected to the leg bone, leg bone's connected to the back bone ... I think I'm missing a bit in the middle. It's tricky to tell in this light what with working in an office that makes the black hole of Cirius Major seem like a summer's day in the South of France. Troubleshootin' Pete. It's okay, I've got your middle Bit! But that means we are ... Troubleshootin' Ed.

BOARDTALK
I'm writing to inform you of the opening of my Bulletin Board for Spectrum and BBC users Here are the details:
    Spectrum Bulletin Board
    Name ARCNET
    Tel [Snipped - NickH]
    Sysop Keith Burton
    Baud 1200 Half Duplex
    Times Mon Thurs Fri 9 pm till 10 pm Sunday 130 am to 1230 and 4 pm to 8 pm
    Ring Back Yes (Auto answer available soon)
    Password Yes (New users can use 12345)
    This board is one of a number of boards being run on a Spectrum/microdrive set-up so don't expect the rapid response that you get on disk based boards. At the moment the board is Speccy and BBC only and requires special software to access it. You can get this from Micronet:
    Spectrum Spectacular pages BBC Page 810622321
    The system has Prestel-like frames and uses full colour and graphics. The areas include CUG's Sig's, hints and tips, Chat mode, Message to board, Private mailbox (like Prestel mailbox) and several Auto-updating pages. Users can leave messages on these like a notice board that can be read by any other caller.
K Burton
Barnsley, S Yorkshire

The interest in Bulletin Boards has rocketed since Iolo's article in Your Spectrum 20. If anyone else knows of any good BB's for Speccy owners, send us the info and we'll pass it on. Ed.

FISTFUL OF BUGS?
Whilst playing Way Of The Exploding Fist my friend and I were happily beating the hell out of each other when we were returned to the demo mode. We tried again, thinking 1 it was our fault when after another few seconds it happened again. After many games we found that if you press keys D, H, K and Break at the same time whilst on a two-player game, you'll be returned to the demo.
    Now it could be our copy that's not up to scratch otherwise it's a genuine, first rate bug - yippee we've found one. If so, how much do we get for spotting it and when will the Porsche arrive?
From two members of
the 'We also think
Gollum deserved
everything he got'
Society.
Chester
PS Who is Gollum anyway?
PPS Don't let the Ed write silly little comments on the letter.

Oh goodie, does that mean it's my turn to write silly comments on your letter. Like, fancy not knowing who Gollum is! (Who is he then clever clogs? Ed). I shall ignore that. Also are you and your friend octopusses? How else can you reach all those keys at once? Your Porsche is in the post. Troubleshootin' Pete

YOU CAN'T BEAT IT!
The Beat magazine (a freebie from HMV shops) announced that Frankie Goes To Hollywood (the game, that is) is now available for the 49K Spectrum. So much for Sinclair's pledge of no new Spectrum before Christmas!
James O'Neill
Warthing, West Sussex.

That'll teach you to nip off while our backs are turned and read these ill-informed rags. 'Ere Pete, what's a K? Ed.

STAR LETTER GET RATTED I demand compensation. "Oh yeah, what for?" I hear you ask. Well, last month (Your Spectrum 20) I turned to the review of The Rats, having I been enticed by the revolting picture on the front cover.     Having read the blood-splattered pages, telling the gruesome tale of 'rats gnawing at Ferris' body', 'gnawing at his bones' and 'ripping mouthfuls ...' I mused to myself, out loud, that I might buy the game. Oh, that I'd kept my big mouth shut.     The result of my innocent remark? It paniced my thoroughly terrified Speccy into having a heart attack. Well, it blew its CPU actually. I blame this entirely on you. If you hadn't published such a gory review my poor ol' Speccy wouldn't be under some surgeon's screwdriver.     Right this is what I want.     1. A solemn promise that you won't publish anymore gore, like pictures of Troubleshootin' Pete.     2. Something that'll reassure my Speccy when it eventually returns to the land of the living - preferably nothing furry that eats human flesh and squeaks. And I don't mean one of T.P.'s socks. Stephen Fodder Southampton, Hants. D'you know, I was wondering why I'd started taking a smaller and smaller shoe size. Nah, it couldn't be my socks - I washed 'em out at the end of last yeaaarghhh ... Troubleshootin' Pete.

MEGABRAIN
I'm amazed at the mentality of some of your readers. I am, of course, refering to the letter from Richard Relf in the November issue. If Mr Relf had more than half a brain he'd have realised that what Pete was trying to show was how the actual addresses for the display file were calculated.
    There can hardly be a Speccy programmer in the country who isn't already aware of the ROM routine at 22AAh. If our friend had sat back and thought he would've realised that Pete's diagram was the algorithm used in the ROM routine and that understanding the algorithm would enable him to write faster and more varied pixel address calculation routines.
Seb Dacre
Cricklewood, London

Your cheque's in the post, Seb. Troubleshootin' Pete.

CLUB SANDWICH
Despite the sceptics I believe in the C5 - so much so that I am now using my customised C5 'Sputnik One' as a mobile sandwich board in the Greater Manchester area.
    If C5 Promotions continues at its present rate of success I intend to customise more C5's for promotional usage.
    I see the C5 as having great potential as a low cost cheap to run personalised fun buggy and want to open a specialist C5 shop offering a customising service. I'd also like to start a national C5 owners club.
Nev Foaris
Ashton-under-Lyne

Yes, despite the sceptics I too believe in the C5. Everyone else at YS just laughs at me. I know it sounds incredible when I tell people that I had a close encounter with this little white electric vehicle that looks like a large shoe built of washing machine parts. But I did. And there was this little green man driving it. One day the world will believe me. Ed.

SOFT ON THE END
Hi. Just a note about your piece in Frontlines entitled 'I saw a mouse, where?' First, we haven't actually made our plans about The Artist/Artist II public yet, as you know. But there are a couple of possible misconceptions your piece may have given rise to. First, you're, shall we say, on the right lines when you describe The Artist II ... a pointing device, keyboard use option, printer dump options, icons, menus... hum, yes things like that.
    But we have to be quick to correct you, for no-one here at SoftTechnics (no-one alive that is) has ever commented that they feel that OCP's offering is better than The Artist! Shame on Mr Everiss of OCP for saying so.
    And a second point, we are not yet stating when The Artist II will appear, or even whether it will be a separate package, or run with Artist I. So watch this space ... one thing we will guarantee though - we will see that everyone who buys The Artist will get full support on upgrades if they join the SoftTechnics Connections.
SoftTechnics
Customer Support
Division

Hang on a sec, I'm the only one allowed to do commercials around here! What we now want to see is whether Bruce Everiss names names and tells us who at SoftTechnics spilled the proverbials. Is that person now dead? And was it of natural causes? Do people at SoftTechnics have names that can be named? It's time the world was told! Da-daa! Ed

TRAINSPOTTER AWARD Ta for such a wonderful, splendiferous, fabaroony mag. Every month, I glance through its pages, looking at, what was it ...? 'Fantasising over features ... marvelling at machine code ... revelling in reviews ... lusting over listings ...' and trainspotting the bugs!     'Tis the third time I've written in about your inadeq ...inedk... minor hiccups.     Now who, I'd like to know, ruined an otherwise perfect ish 20? Troubleshootin' Pete? The Ed? Andy Pennell? Small though the brains of these loonies may be, surely none could make such a stupid mistake as that which proudly displays itself on page 24.     For here is the sooper-dooper compo entry form, complete wiv a dotted line to which we must apply those sharpened cutting utensils (scissors to you!). Trouble is, when you've cut down the dotted line, you're left with nuffin' more than a small strip of paper about lcm wide ...     The stupid line's on the wrong side of the page! If you don't believe me, just look! Honestly ... Now this one must earn me a Trainspotter Award! Paul Taylor Peterborough PS I don't feel sorry for Gollum. PPS Have you ever tried Hex on Toast for breakfast? (Breccy wiv your Speccy, eh?) Dear (he who writes the witty comments) Ed.     I hereby claim the Trainspotter Award. You have made the terrible slip up of putting the dotted line with the mad scissors on the wrong side of the competition in Your Spectrum 20 (cue witty comment from Ed). (Ooh er, sorry I was dozing there ... um ...er... pass the scissors and I'll just cut that bit out. Ed). Hallinics Domadam Universe 32a PS Who is this Erauqs type person? PPS I think it's only fair to tell you that I have a Protonic Enmostic Extremely Violent Energy Disrupter (PEEVED) gun aimed at your office and I'll not hesitate to fire if I don't get the award. Oh come on, you did do it on purpose -- didn't you? I refer, of course, to page 24 ish 20. You know, the compo with all those stars on it.     Running down the left-hand side is one of those dotted lines that are meant to be the guidelines for cutting the page out. Well, I've sussed you! You thought you could con us intel... intellic ... brainy people into sending the little white strip down the left hand side of the page, didn't you?     This would mean, of course, that no-one would win the compo and so the judges wouldn't have to count all those stars. I saw through your evil plan from the beginning - to deprive us of a Star STX-80 printer so T.P. could have it himself!     Well, I'll tell you what. If you hand over an illustrious Trainspotter Award I'll tell no-one. Deal?     Anyway, brill mag (creep, craaawl). How about some more on comms - I liked the Bulletin Board article in ish 20. Keep it up! Jeremy Doyle Englefield Green, Surrey Hmmm, three candidates for the Trainspotter Award this month. All of them have spotted the same cock-up in ish 20. Problem is, how are we going to pick the most deserving candidate for the supreme accolade of a YS Trainspotter Award?     It's about time Paul got something if this is the third time he's written in - but this time it'll be the sole of my boot. Call me a loony, indeed! As for Hallinics - you can't frighten me with your gun. Made up name, made up gun. And anyway we can't afford the postage to Universe 32. So, it looks as though Jeremy's this month's trainspotter supremo. And if anyone dares to suggest he only got the award by dint of a final bit of crawling at the end of the letter - well, they'd be dead right! Ed. I'm still trying to find out who printed the mag on the wrong side of my dotted line ... Art Ed.

    

SMALL PRINT ... Anybody who has entered the Samsynth program in Your Spectrum 20 may like to try 5 for the wavelength and 50 for the depth control. It sounds like a drunken bee! David Sellen East Hanningfield, Essex ... Is the Ed any relation to Kevin the Gerbil? (Yes! T.P)(No!! Ed) Paul Weller Reading, Berkshire ... as the owner of an Opus Discovery disk drive, I'm trying to start a users club for the Netherlands Would any UK Discovery users like to contact me to exchange information and so on? D C Kruithof Zoetermeer The Netherlands I claim a YS first. I believe I'm the first potato to write to you. As a resident of Easton-in-Gordano I was shocked that the Ed should accuse Matthew Exley (the amazing new Easton superstar since winning the Trainspotter Award in Your Spectrum 20) of making up the name of the village! So, shocked was I that I had to go and talk to Angus the Brick. Nuff said (More than enough! Ed) Sammy Spud Easton-in-Gordano ...aark, aark, my name's T P, what's your problem? What's come over me? Nowt I've just (train) spotted the most classic printing error ever Have a squint at From The Hip (ish 19). Now look at the two hundred and eighty-eighth word. Got it? Ha ha. (One hundred and sixty-five, one hundred and sixty-six, one hundred ...T.P.) Ian Fisher Barbourne, Worcestershire (saucey devil).

Doodlebugs

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