You may not have
heard of Frank
Welker, but you've
almost definitely
heard his voice. Frank,
y'see, supplies voices for just about
every cartoon being made at the
moment. Once you've spotted his
distinctive timbre and unmistakable
way of accenting words (and, some
would say, the spooky way every
voice he does sounds exactly the
same) you can identify a 'Frank' from a
Frieda every time.
And the same with Speccy programmers.
(A-ha! So there was a point to that initial
paragraph after all. Phew. For a moment there
I thought we were going to be treated to
another discourse on Hanna-Barbera. Ed)
Brian Cross (the author of
Hands) has been a
busy little beaver over the last couple of
months, working for both Beyond Belief and
Zeppelin (and who knows, maybe a few other
people as well). And, as he
habitually draws his own sprites as
well as coding the game itself, it's
easy to spot a 'Brian.' You could
even record the games he's
written in a little leather book. In
fact, you could organise
'Brianspotting' parties, where you
and your friends make
sandwiches and trek off to the
local software emporium in the
hope of glimpsing a Brian
Cross game in its natural
habitat.
(Actually, to be honest,
I think I would have preferred
the Hanna-Barbera
anecdotes. Ed)
Hands of Stone is the very
latest 'Brian' to be released. It's been
inspired by
Target; Renegade - you
traipse around town bashing people
up then stealing their weapons,
before moving on and, erm, doing it
all over again - but has a cheeky
little character all of its own. For a
start, the screenshots can't do
justice to the lovely scrolling - it's
very smooth and rather perky.
Scrumptious. The graphics are
sweet as well - those 'Brian'
sprites really stand out well,
even in the most
knuckle-flingy of
clinches. What a pity
the sound isn't up to
anything much. But there you are. Or not as
the case may be.
Hush now, and extinguish all naked flames
as we come to the throbbing heart
of
Hands of Stone - the
gameplay. There are loads of
moves to help you defeat your
opponents (the elbow jab from
Tag Team Wrestling makes a
Brianspottery reappearance)
and, as I divulged in my previous
utterance, you can also make off
with a clunked baddy's weapon.
(Strangely though you get a
weapon completely
unconnected with the one
you've just been
beaten up with
- for
example,
at the start
you're
attacked
by a guy
wielding a baseball bat. When you beat him,
you gain a knife! Spook city or what?) Fighting
is a painless enough affair (if this is the right
word). It's nice to see there isn't a 'super move'
that defeats everybody - each villain needs a
different approach to floor him. The thing is
(It's funny, isn't it readers? Every time Jon
wibbles on about how good a game is, there's
a 'thing is' coming up. You could set your
watch by him. Ed) it's far, far too hard. Let's
take Level One as an example. First you come
across two flour bag-wearing ruffians. Easy
peasy. Then a beefy moustache with a tall
man behind it strides on and proceeds to beat
you into spam, no matter what you do. He
hangs around your prone body after knocking
you flat, and as you stagger to your feet,
helplessly dazed, he knocks you around a bit
more. Bah, it's frustrating. Of course. You can
do the same thing back to him,
but when later on you're
faced with Mr Baseball
Bat, two flour baggies
and a man with a very big gun.
Things go downhill fast. (Unless
you're actually quite good at these
games, of course.)
TOP FIVE FIGHTING MOVES
1. The Running Away
2. The Sitting Down Around A Table And
Talking It Over
3. The Slap In The Eye With A Ruler
4. The Pretending To Be Someone Else
5. The Not Turning Up At All