The YS Panto Compo!

Take part in a virtual competition!

"Humbug, humbug, humbug. 'Tis the season to be mean and stingey," said Phantom Phil to Mingey Marcus. Hiding in the YS prizes cupboard, they hatched an egg, sorry an evil plan. Dan, dan daaaan! (Altogether now: Boo hiss!)     "Compos every month, prizes by the score, and just because it's Christmas they'll be expecting a megacompo. Well let them eat cold Christmas pud, because we'll blag all the prizes!" cackled Mingey Marcus, cramming footballs down his cleavage.     "I've got over 1,000 prizes hidden in my drawers" (Altogether now: Oo-er!) chimed Phantom Phil, stuffing custard pies in his gob. (All shout: "Oh no you haven't!")     "Oh yes we have!" bellowed Mingey Marcus and Phantom Phil.     Enter our hero, Dick Whimpington, The Ed (Dick Ed for short), slapping thighs and throwing open the cupboard door: "Oh Jingle bells, were been blagged! All the Christmas megacompo prizes have gone. Wait, what's this note on the floor? A ransom demand."      Dear miserable YS readers,     You can stop being so jolly now, ha-ha, 'cos we're going to put a stop to your Christmas fun (Boo-hiss) Get down off the Christmas tree, stop yelling in your granny's ear and listen to our Scroogey demands.     We're going to make you wince and cringe with some of the worst jokes ever. You can only have the prizes back if you can answer these terrible mottos we found in some old Christmas crackers. Complete the quiz, stick it to the back of a postcard and send it to Phantom 'Pass-The-Plum-Pudding' Phil and Mingey 'Scrooge Was My Father' Marcus, We're Hiding In The YS Cupboard Throwing Custard Pies Compo, Your Sinclair, London.      Click picture for large version

1 If you want to see 25 copies of Beau Jolly's Computer Hits Vol 4, 25 copies of 5 Star Games Vol 3 and five of its T-shirts ever again, you'd better come up with the answer to this: how do you shoot a blue elephant?   With a huge gun   With a blue elephant gun		2 You'd better give in and tell us: how do you shoot a red elephant? Otherwise we'll dismember the 30 copies of Gremlin's Masters Of The Universe and the ten footballs signed by Gary Lineker we've got stashed away.   With a red elephant gun (Don't be silly, there's no such thing)   Tie a knot in a red elephant's nose, wait 'tll it goes blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun		3 For 20 copies of Ariolasoft's Werewolves Of London and 10 Werewolves posters, tell us what's splashy and steamy and comes out of Cows (Cowes)? Or we'll send you a long playing Des O' Connor record.   The Royal Yacht Britannia   Oo-er
4 We've got 30 copies of Piranha's Flunky and 10 Piranha T-shirts hidden in Phil's drawers, that'll never see the light of day again, unless you give us an answer to this: What do you call a mushroom that buys you lots of drinks?   Psssst as a toad-stool   A fungi to be with		5 Cascade gave us 25 copies of Implosion and 25 copies of Ace II for prizes but Mingey Marcus will only give them back if you know what you call a man with a spade sticking out of his head?   Doug   Harold		6 Five copies of each of The Edge's Warlock, Darius, Garfield, Inside Outing; Alien Syndrome and Xecutor are up for ransom if you tell Phantom Phil why you can never rely on a parachute?   Because it always lets you down   Wednesday's always early closing
7 Electronic Arts gave us 10 copies of Pegasus and ten of its T-shirts, but Marcus is enjoying playing with them so much he'll only give them back, if you can tell him what you'd call a gorilla with a banana in each ear?   Anything you like, he can't hear you   Ian Botham		8 Ve have vays und meanz of making you talk. We won't torture you with copies of Sinclair User - we just won't send you one of 30 Code Masters games and five of its T-shirts unless you can tell us what runs but stands still.   A tap   Sebastian Coe		9 Tell us what's pink and hard in the morning and we'll leave one of 10 copies of Firebird's Sidewize and 50 of Parabola in a deserted car park for you to collect.   Last night's raspberry Angel Delight   The Financial Times crossword
10 If you'd like to rescue one of 25 copies of Virgin's Action Force from Phil's clutches tell us how you know if you've got an elephant in the fridge?   Lots of slurpy noises (No, That's only Phil)   Footprints in the custard		11 Infogrames gave us 20 copies of Sidewalk to give away, which you can get your paws on if you know the best way to confuse the Ed.   Give her three shovels and tell her to take her pick   Give her three picks and tell her to take her shovel		12 You still haven't given in to our demands, eh? Tell us how to spell Hungry Horse in four letters, and we might let you have one of 20 copies of Mercenary from Novagen also 20 Targ survival kits.   M.T.G.G.   Neigh lad
13 We've got 10 copies of each of Sqij, The Bow and Soft & Cuddly by The Powerhouse to squander, but Phil and Marcus won't give them up unless you can pay the price by figuring out what can go up a chimney down but can't go down a chimney up?   An overweight Father Christmas   An umbrella		14 Can you save 20 copies of US Gold's Gauntlet II from almost certain death? (Phil and Marcus would bore anybody to death. Ed) Just tell us what you call an Irish double glazing salesman?   Paddy O' Doors   Jeffrey Archer		15 Mastertronic has 20 copies of Heart Of The Seventies video and 50 copies of Agent X II up for grabs but Phil won't let go of them until you tell us what runs through the butchers naked?   The Harlem Globe Trotters   Streaky bacon
16 We're watching your every move, so if you want to see two copies of Prism's 'EYE' The Boardgame alive again you'd better tell us what clock never ticks.   A dandelion   One with no batteries In		17 If you want one of 10 copies of CDS' Brian Clough's Football Fortunes you can dribble, unless you know why the hedgehog crossed the road?   Because he felt like it   Because he wanted to see his flatmate		18 Give in to our demands or we won't send you 25 copies of Activision's Rampage, 25 copies of Aliens US and 10 giant mega posters. Let us know who wrote the famous novel Knickers Round Ankles?   Lucy Lastic   Nora Bone
19 CRL has 10 copies of each of Ballbreaker, Death Or Glory and Sunstar to give away. But not before you've answered the following question. When is a door not a door?   When it's ajar   When it's a mango		20 This is your last chance to release 20 copies of Ocean's Game, Set And Match from the horrors that await them from those ugly dames Phil and Marcus. Just tell us what's black and white and red all over?.   A zebra in a RoboChef   A newspaper		21 Martech has 10 copies of Catch 23 that you can rescue from Phil's undies if you know which film is about sub-aqua football teams?   20,000 Leagues Under the Sea   Sting Ray

    

Enter your name if you wish to appear in the list of Compo Winners: Name: Town/City: Country: View Winners so far           More games on our Online Games page! REMEMBER: These are imaginary prizes - don't try and claim them!

Published in the January 1988 issue of Your Sinclair

READERS NOTE: The original YS articles on this site were written many many years ago, and should provide no indication WHATSOEVER of the author's present writing style. Judge these people on their current work, not articles they wrote decades ago.

All original YS text is still copyright to their original owners, including BOTH publishers and authors. Permission has been granted to reproduce these articles by a few of these owners - if you see your work on here and would like it to be taken down, e-mail me and I'll do it straightaway. All other pages have similar restrictions - email me for more details.     None of the pages on this website may be reproduced in any way, nor sold to the general public (i.e. put onto a CD-ROM) without the consent of Nick Humphries and the author of each article. If you want to include any of these articles on a site or a CD, contact me for more instructions.

Any comments, suggestions, corrections and additions welcome.
Email me!