John Minson

It's something to do with a computer game about Jack the Ripper which is so nasty and disgusting that it's certain to become the first computer game to receive an 18 certificate from the British Board of Film Censorship.
    Ignoring the fact that this should read 'Film Classification' - we don't have censorship in this Brave New-speak Britain he's hooked. He may know nothing about computers but he does know good copy when he sees it and this is definitely hot.
    What do computers mean to the average, hard-drinking hack and his equally ignorant readership? There are two great myths, the first being that they're somehow educational. Be honest - how many of you persuaded your patents to open their purse and purchase a Spectrum with that time-honoured line that if you didn't learn to program you'd be computer illiterate later in life?
    The other popular belief is that micros are the sole domain of children. And we all know that sweet, innocent, little angels need to be protected from all sorts of evil influences. Violence on television, bad language on records... and computer games!
    Your ghostly guide whisks you forwards through time. It's now a few days later and the hack is on the phone. Being a man of little imagination, he's followed the most obvious course of action. He's phoned Mary Whitehouse.
    

I can remember a time when Mrs W was a joke. But with the swing of the pendulum to Victorian values, now she's taken much more seriously. She's also good for off-the-cuff quotes. I've spoken to her just once and the ease with which she produced a glib comment was amazing.
    She expresses concern, and says that she'll be taking action herself against this pernicious and gratuitous violence. The hack hangs up a happy man. The one question which he never bothered to ask was whether she'd ever seen a computer game, but let it pass. He'd discovered a major new scandal and all it took was one press release!
    

The paper is now preparing itself for a series of hard-hitting articles on this threat to our children. Further research has discovered hardcore pornographic games which are sold in sex shops, featuring digitised pictures (whatever they are) of naked women!
    Forget the fact that these are only available in Germany and run on the ST, so their most likely audience is going to be blase businessmen. The closest ·to smut that most Spectrum owners have ever seen features a young woman who often appears in the buff on page three of the hack's own newspaper. But Sam Fox Strip Poker is far too soft for this story!
    Once again you spin through time and space, to arrive in the House of Commons during the Prime Minister's question time. The braying subsides as a backbench MP rises. He's one of a number who are guaranteed to pick up on any topic that will raise public hackles and buy him his thirty seconds on News at Ten: hanging, child abuse, and this time... computer games.
    There's a hush as he demands an inquiry into these disgusting and deprived games. After all, when the government provided a micro for every school, it wasn't so that the pupils could chop each other up like barbarians or ogle naked women! The PM promises to take action.
    'Enough?' asks your ghostly host. It's time to hand in your return ticket, but instead of Xmas '87 he deposits you in your living room one year later - Boxing Day, '88.
    The Sound of Music is on the idiot box, so it takes a minute to realise that things have changed. It's when you reach for the pile of programs that you panic. Big Bang is a game of stocks and shares, not blasting. There's a wacky looking Spreadsheet. Or maybe you prefer Fun With Forth - An Interactive Learning Course.
    

In September '88, backed by public outcry, legislation was rushed through parliament so that all computer games had to be submitted for classification. You can no longer shoot up sprites unless you're 18 - though you could have joined the army to blast real flesh and blood two years earlier!
    Still, you've got some Christmas money and you've heard that there's a place in Soho where they still sell the stuff, like Rambo and Cobra, under the counter...
    You wake with a start. The Snowman is almost over. It was just a dream. You laugh. It could never happen here. Or could it?
    Blanket video censorship was a direct result of a sensational and hysterical newspaper campaign run by the Daily Mail. Meanwhile in the States, records containing bad language have to carry warning stickers and are banned in some towns. Could it happen to software in Britain?
    Anybody can name half a dozen games that compete for the out and out gore award, from Friday The 13th to Soft And Cuddly. So far they've escaped public outcry. But now CRL has taken it all one step further. That Jack The Ripper press release actually exists and has already led to stories in newspapers which would normally ignore software.
    CRL is probably congratulating itself on this cheap publicity, but the software industry cannot afford to unleash the hounds of censorship. If the cost of those news stories is the banning of all violent games for under 18s, then Christmas '88 may not be so happy for anybody.

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