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| YS Goes To Alton Towers | |||
| Sick bags in hands, the YS Team take a death defying leap in the fantasy world of Alton Towers. Bleeurghhhh! And all because it's a lorra, lorra fun! | |||
After prising Phil out of the buffet car, we squeezed into a taxi and headed for the beautiful Staffordshire town of Alton, where the park is situated. Our first sighting of it was the majestic towers of Alton Mansion which stood on a hill above 800 acres of grounds filled with 'fun. Fantasy and excitement': 300 of which are devoted to the entertainment complex and another 300 to the finest landscaped gardens in Europe, containing Pagoda fountains, a Chinese temple and the Grand Conservatories. Over 2.2 million people visit Alton Towers each year, with up to 35,000 on some Bank Holidays, but luckily there were only about 11,000 people the day we went, though the place is so vast you really don't notice them. After having a quick bite to eat, on Phil's request, we began our tour of Europe's number one leisure park, which boasts some 100 attractions. RIDE 'EM COWBOY! There are five main theme areas, Fantasy World, Festival Park, Aqualand, Talbot Street and Kiddies Kingdom, and each one is packed with fun things to do and see. We didn't manage to view everything on our whirlwind tour, but some of the bigger attractions worth looking out for include the miniature railway that runs through the amazing gardens, the shopping mall in Towers Street crammed with shops selling all sorts of goodies, the newly introduced futuristic Monorail that takes you from the car park to the Grand Entrance and the brand-new Skyride cable cars that run right across the park, giving some breathtaking aerial views of the complex and gardens. Each theme area houses a variety of stomach churning, white knuckle rides, some of which are the best in Europe the most hair raising being the Corkscrew Rollercoaster, Pirate Ship, 1001 Nights, Enterprise, Grand Canyon Rapids, Log Flume and Black Hole. And if you're faint hearted you can always take in the more leisurely attractions like the Dolls, Model RailWay and Vintage Car exhibitions and the sedate journey across the world in Around The World In Eighty Days. Plus there're restaurants to relax in, circus acts to see and loads more shows and fun packed features to experience. LICENSED TO THRILL But you wouldn't catch us butch YS guys chickening out of a ride on a rollercoaster even if it does turn you upside down and your stomach inside out. So the first place we headed for was the Corkscrew and then the Enterprise, followed by 1001. We swayed on towards the Pirate Ship, Grand Canyon Rapids and Log Flume, and finally managed to stagger to the ultimate in thrill experiences -- the Black Hole! Huurrrrghie Rrrrulph! Bleeeurgh! But more of that later. Alton Towers really is a wonderful world filled with fun, fantasy and excitement -- if you get the chance, go and see it. You'll love it -- we did! It's real family entertainment so you could even persuade your mum and dad to take you. They can stroll round the beautiful gardens while you thrash round the bone shakin' rides, coming off looking like Andrew Lloyd Webber and feeling like Bob Geldof looks! And if you live down in Land's End and can't get to Alton Towers just yet, don't worry there are plenty of other leisure parks, though not quite as enormous, scattered around the country. We've compiled a list showing where they are and some of the bigger rides found at each one [not on the site 'cos it's probably WAY out of date - NickH]. Right we're off-- there's a bit of final research we need to do at Alton Towers. Arrrrrrrrgggghh! N.B. The YS team would like to thank all the staff at Alton Towers for their hospitality and particularly Nicola Talfourd-Cook for giving us a whirlwind guided tour of the park. GRAND CANYON RAPIDS Hmmm! All that water looks a bit ominous. 12 acres of it to be precise. Still, that didn't put us off, well except for Darrell. Ah, gliding through the rippling water is pleasant enough, dunno what all the fuss is about. Okay there's a few rapids ahead, but we should get through those without a dousing,.. whoosh. Move over Marcus I'm getting soaked. T'zer. Ha ha Pete's drenched... splash oh no I've just had half a gallon of water plonked on me lap. Phil. Blimey I'm getting seasick from all this turbulence. Get on top of me T'zer. Pete. I beg your pardon! T'zer. You obviously haven't seen those two Niagra falls up ahead. Pete. Whoooosh... swirl... spray! Well, I'm well and truly moist now. Phil. Ha ha I'm not, though. Marcus. Splash... Urgh! We warned you about those water jets at the end to catch smarts asses like you out. Hee hee! Anyway if you don't get wet you feel cheated after a thrilling half mile ride like this. 1001 NIGHTS Wossis then? Looks like an Arabian carriage with a big pendulum sticking out of it. Right who's for a go on this then? Well, Phil and Darrell have chickened out so it just leaves Peter, T'zer and me. Cor why are we being strapped in so well. Blimmin' heck you don't think we're gonna end up there -- 85 foot above the ground? Uh-oh! We are! Hey, it swings back and forth like a see-saw getting higher and higher but at least we stay horizontal. Wah-ay! I've just left my stomach on top of that tree and T'zer's gone a funny shade of green. Maybe that's why Pete's screaming so much! Yikes! It's gone all the way over the top and dropped right down to the ground again, leaving my guts somewhere in between. Marcus. Urgh! Bleeergh! T'zer. CORKSCREW Yikes! Have we got to go on that? So we've managed to get well strapped in to the car. Now what? Oh, we chug up a 75 foot incline. No problem! And then we swoop down a sheer drop of sixty feet, you must be... aaaaaaarrrrrrrrgghhh... haaaaaayyylppppp... let me off... wheeeeeeee... crrrrrrriiiiipes... oooooooohhhhhh... mummmmmmmeeeee... ooo-eeeeerr... whaaayyyyyy... noooooooo not the corkscreeeeeeeewwww... arghhhhhhhhhhh ...... whooooaaaaaaa... flippin' heeeechk... crunch... thud... joking! Never again. Travelling at 40 miles an hour upside down round the 'corkscrew'? You won't get me on I that again in a hurry. I've just got to have another go. T'zer Wheeeeeeee... BLACK HOLE Now, this is the ride everyone's been shouting about. Where's Phil? Ooomph! Oh there you are. I can't see a damn thing -- it's pitch black in here. Marcus. Are we all safely strapped in? Cor, those blokes aren't half double checking the safety belts -- are you sure this is a good idea? Phil. Right we're off. A nice gentle climb to the top... flippin' 'eck we're getting a bit high -- surely we're going to have to come down sooooooonerrr -- arrgghhhhhhhh -- screeeeeammmm. Blimey we just dropped 50 feet! This is really frightening -- you can't see a thing so you don't know what's going to happen next... waaaaahaaayyyy, whooooooooaaaa... T'zer. I want my mum. Pete. Crumbs, now I know why everybody coming out of here looks as white as a sheet! Darrell. Wheeeeeeeeee! Crunch! Ah, we've stopped -- I want another go -- this has got to be the most thrilling experience ever! Phil. ENTERPRISE When is a roundabout a big wheel? When it's an Enterprise. Beam us up Scotty 'cos this looks like a lorra, lorra fun. Are you sure you don't want a go, Phil? You don't spend that long 62 feet in the air upside down. Marcus. What do you think I am -- completely hat-stand or summink? Phil. Well, it's not too bad whilst it's chugging round and round. Wheeee... we're going quite fast now. Screeeammmm! T'zer. Wot's happenin? We're going up in the air and Phil looks like he's doing a headstand -- that's funny, everyone down there's upside down. Pete. You dummy, it's us that's upside down. Marcus. Help, I feel sick. We're going so fast I can hardly speak and how come we don't fall out? T'zer. Bellow... Centrifugal force. Phil. Shut up you. Arrgggghhh... I want to get off. T'zer. Blimey, that guy down there just got my pizza -- and for free even though it was second-hand. Pete. Phew we're stopping. Why is T'zer swaying like that. She looks like she's completely sozzled? Now that's what I call a thrilling experience. Marcus. SKYRIDE Now this is one hell of a ride and so it should be since it cost £6 million to build. There are three stations where you can board these sphere-like Gondolas (cable cars) and up to twelve people can fit in them. We all climbed in at Towers Street and we were soon up, up and away! Gasp! The only sound to be heard was the in-car music and Darrell blowing his nose. Quite frankly I don't know which was worse! T'zer. What a view, there's Aqualand... and gasp, just look at those gardens. I know we're 200 feet up Phil, but you could take your head out from between your legs. Darrell. Heh, we're approaching the second station at the Chinese Temple -- wow, this is brilliant. I can almost touch the Pagoda Fountain. Pete. Gosh, there's the Corkscrew and the Enterprise -- we'll be on those in a minute. Can't wait. T'zer. This sure is the best way to see the Park -- it really is a spectacular ride! Marcus. LOG FLUME Ah, the Log Flume. We'd heard that this is the longest water ride in the world at 2,600 feet long. It takes 5 minutes to complete, so we had to have a go on it. We all got in the log-shaped boat and for some reason Marcus insisted he go in the back and Peter at the front. Ah, it's nice watching all that beautiful countryside go by as we float gently round the course... Who turned the lights out? And why are we going up this track? T'zer. Gripes, we're plunging down at the speed of light, except it's dark and... splosh... I'm drenched. Now I see why Marcus told me to sit here. Pete. Jolly jape, eh? Marcus. Oh crumbs, look at the height of that water chute ahead. Ooooooooo-er... haylp... whoooooooooooosh! And I thought this was going to be a sedate ride. T'zer. Hey, Pete why didn't you have a bath before you came? Tee hee! Marcus. PIRATE SHIP Yo ho ho-and a bottle of rum! Talking of bottle, we lost ours when it came to getting on the Pirate Ship -- all except macho Marcus who insisted he have a go, even after eating all that candy floss. Over to him for the commentary. I'm working with a load of wimps. This ride looks well corky. At least I seem to be strapped in pretty tightly -- ooomph! Ah, it's started to swing -- maybe I shouldn't have eaten all those sweets -- whooooaaaaaaa. Gasp! Blimey, it's like being on a giant swing -- arrrrrrrgggghhh! For a moment there we were completely weightless -- Phil really should've tried it out! Wheeeeeeee -- this is brilliant, if only my stomach thought the same -- it abandoned my body somewhere high in the sky and is refusing to come back! I recommend only those with a cast iron stomach try this ride out -- I still can't understand why that gut bucket Phil didn't have a go! Marcus. PORKY PHIL'S GUIDE TO FAST FOOD FILLERS All those fast and furious rides and the walking in between them certainly works up an appetite. It's a bit of luck then that you can buy food absolutely everywhere. This really is a paradise for food fetishists like myself. After porking my way through a one foot diameter pizza in the Pizzeria in Aqualand, I grabbed a Feast from the Tuck Shop and felt strong enough to do a quick tour round the snack bars and restaurants. Apart from all the stalls, selling giant ice-creams, chips, candy floss, buckets of Coca Cola and toffee apples there are six huge restaurants to fill up at. The Talbot is the biggest fast food restaurant in Europe, serving 1,000 people an hour, which is a bit of luck 'cos I'll be visiting it a few times myself! If you're a posh geezer you can always pop in to the luxury Swiss Cottage silver service restaurant for a slap up meal -- in fact I think it's just about time for a snack!
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